We know this because Karina Longworth leads off her fun house-call LA Weekly cover story with a reminder that celebs like Sheen are doing all they can to prevent a triggering of the TMZ coffers. With, in the reformed actor’s case, a little help from seasoned entertainment PR pro Larry Solters. From Longworth’s article:

I am intercepted in Sheen’s driveway by a security guard, a friendly, not-intimidatingly-large man who asks me to come with him into the garage to sign a non-disclosure agreement.

This is a first for me. I scan the five pages of legalese, in which the undersigned — me — is referred to as “the Employee.” To what extent, I wonder, will signing this document impede my ability to do my actual job of interviewing Sheen and his childhood friend, Roman Coppola, about their new movie, A Glimpse Inside the Mind of Charles Swan III?

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When he’s not rubbing elbows (allegedly, not allegedly, those two need to come up with a story and stick to it) with Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa, Charlie Sheen continues to prove he has a heart of gold.

The actor cut a check for $12,000 to pay for the funeral services of 29-year-old paparazzo photographer Chris Guerra, who was killed New Year’s Day in a tragic accident while chasing after what he thought was pop singer Justin Bieber.

“A tragic incident like this erases the line between the photographer and the subject,” Sheen told TMZ. “It’s an unforgiving moment that begs us all to be human and work as one to prevent this in the future. As parents, we are all not supposed to bury our children. My deepest condolences to the families involved.”

I didn’t exactly hear Bieber wanting to help Guerra’s family out. Total class act move by Sheen.

[H/T TMZ, LAist]

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You’ve probably seen the photo by now of actor Charlie Sheen and Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa sharing an awkward man-hug.

Well, the Mayor went on NBC’s News Conference to shed some light about how the two ran into each other.

Both guys were in Cabo San Lucas and Sheen asked to take a photo with Villaraigosa.

“I’m in the picture taking business,” Villaraigosa said on NBC. “I’ve never said no to anyone that wants to take a picture…I was on vacation. I deserve a vacation from time to time.”

Let this be a heads up to anyone who happens to run into Mayor Villaraigosa as he plays out his term — ask him for that picture and make sure to put it on Instagram.

[H/T LA Observed]

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“I don’t know what our status is with him, we took this boy, who started with us when he was eight years old, and it seems to be what happens with child stars over the course of time,” Moonves said, adding dryly. “He is now making over $300,000 per week, which is not a bad salary for a 19 year old kid.”

He went on a religious channel and urged people not to watch his show because it is filth, “though he is still collecting his $300,000 a week,” Moonves added.

That said, he did not seem concerned as to what it meant for the program, which still has more viewers than every other comedy on TV, save for The Big Bang Theory and Modern Family.

“We have other plans, I don’t think it has quite been resolved, but after going through Charlie Sheen, I think this is a piece of cake,” he quipped.

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Wow, it’s sort of a right-wing Charlie Sheen moment, with Jones practically begging to be fired. He declares, “You can not be a true God-fearing person and be on a television show like that. I know I can’t. I’m not OK with what I’m learning, what the Bible says, and being on that television show. You go all or nothing.”

Be forewarned, the video is long, rambling, and tedious. And this is just the second half. The video was produced by the Christian group Forerunner Chronicles, who could learn a thing or two about production from those sinners Hollywood.

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But in terms of old school PR, Santa Anita has for years been able to count on the all-star comedy stable of Mel Brooks, his close friend Dick Van Patten and the Conway family duo of Tim and Tim Jr. Among the memorable anecdotes in Gazzar’s piece is this one, about a father passing on some life skills:

After returning from a day at the races with his father, Conway Jr. improvised a Show and Tell [at Encino Elementary] by teaching his classmates how to “box an exacta.”

When the Encino school’s principal told Conway Sr. it was “borderline child abuse” to teach a kid to gamble, he deadpanned: “Let me tell you what child abuse is. (He picks horse 3 and 5), it comes in 5-3, and he doesn’t have it boxed” and loses. “That’s child abuse.”

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While outgoing Academy president Tom Sherak’s attempt to have Lorne Michaels produce and Jimmy Fallon host was unsuccessful, Finke thinks today’s choice connects logically to NBC’s storied weekend franchise:

It now looks like MacFarlane’s hosting stint on Saturday Night Live’s premiere for this fall season was a tryout for telecast producers Craig Zadan and Neil Meron. He did well, especially during his stand-up where he sang and did voices and looked great and was thoroughly entertaining.

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The Kardashians are still free to use ad.ly, of course, but the firm is looking to expand its roster to include less expected “publishing partners”… “GE, for example, will not be a good match for the Kardashians,” Delph says. “If we’re working with Nikon, for example, I’d prefer to have 10 photojournalists over one Kardashian [sister].”

A couple of early comments to the article question Delph’s take. They suggest that Sheen, regardless of the way the actor’s 2011 rants and raves eventually tailspinned, did the celebrity-Twitter-influencers outfit a huge launch phase favor.

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During the 1,000th episode of WWE Raw, Sheen, who served as the social media ambassador for the evening, challenged wrestler Daniel Bryan to a fight the next time he’s in Los Angeles.

The next time Bryan and the WWE crew are in town is on Aug. 19 for SummerSlam at Staples Center. It’s the WWE’s second-biggest pay-per-view of the year (behind WrestleMania) and chairman Vince McMahon is always looking for a way to rope in coverage from the mainstream media.

Unfortunately for the WWE, they’re about a year too late on the whole Sheen phenomenon.

(Not) winning.

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In a Daily Beast article, Maria Elena Fernandez gets the name of a marketing intelligence firm a tad wrong. It should read The Q Scores Company, not The Q Company. Former ABC-TV marketing VP Henry Schafer tells the reporter that although the Anger Management star’s Q score is up, that notoriety has come at a price:

“It looks like from everything that transpired, it was his female appeal that got hit the hardest,” Schafer said. “He’s a complete turn-off to women right now, whereas, back in the day, at the height of Two and a Half Men, he was way above average with female consumers. He’s lost most of his consumer strength with women of all ages and men 35 and older. But young males, 18 to 34, were relatively unaffected by all of his ranting and raving.”

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“I was definitely thrilled to be re-tweeted by Charlie,” La Ronde director and Anger Management co-star Michael Arden tells FishbowlLA. “He’s such a good guy who takes a vested interested in everyone he works with, I’m not surprised he tweeted it. It’s hard to say how much impact the re-tweet had, given the mysteries of the Internet. But I have a feeling we got a few more glances at our Kickstarter page than we would have gotten, otherwise.”

That Kickstarter page is the key. The select group of people who helped Arden reach his $6,000 not-for-profit goal and an equal amount of VIPS such as Sheen are the only ones who will get to watch the intimate couples dramatics, based on 1900 source material by Arthur Schnitzler. Attendees will receive nightly instructions to show up at various Hollywood locations, without knowing who’s in the various playlet elements or where the action might lead them.

“What drew me to staging this piece as a promenade-style production was that in LA Ronde, the sexual encounters between people are almost like a baton-relay,” Arden explains. “I wondered what it would be like if the audience was passed through the story, like a baton. I was also very inspired by several productions by the theatre company Punchdrunk, an English immersive theatre group. I love the idea of voyeurism in this play and setting it in such an intimate environment.”

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Strangely, the magazine’s editors chose a rather innocuous shot for the 2012 cover. Sheen cavorts with a number of women in the above video, but you’d never know at the newsstand unless you thumb into the actual article. Dad’s photographer was Annie Leibovitz; Charlie’s session was handled by Peggy Sirota.

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The long odyssey surrounding his abrupt departure from Two and a Half Men is long over, but Charlie Sheen still knows how to throw a party, and he still has strong feelings about the incident, even if he doesn’t exactly know what happened.

“I don’t know what it was, I am still baffled by it. Can that ever happen again, the way it did?” Sheen told us, after being asked whether another celebrity could find themselves in a similar situation. “Who could you make Being John Malkovich about, if not John Malkovich?”

The ArKadia nightclub at the Fontainebleau Miami Beach has been taken over by Sheen, Lionsgate TV and Debmar-Mercury, the producer and distributor of his new show, Anger Management. There are mermaids swimming in the outdoor pool, and women dressed as tables (yes, seriously) on which drinks have been placed. There are a handful of celebrities in attendance, including Katie Couric, Jeff Probst, Ricki Lake and Steve Harvey.

We are sitting in Sheen’s VIP cabana, it is nearly midnight. He would have an excellent view of the mermaids and the pool, except there is a throng of people on the other side of the velvet rope, wanting to say hi.

“It looks like chaos, but everyone is happy to see me, nothing but kind words to offer,” he says.

That doesn’t mean he is pleased with the way he has treated in the press. When asked about making the press rounds to promote his new show, he replied with a rebuke of the harsh words that have been thrown at him over the last year.

“I don’t really care, because I don’t take any of it personally, it is just words, coming from people that don’t know anything about me. So how much stock can you put in it, you know, a strangers random opinion?” Sheen said. “It is like getting mad at a three-year old for hurting your feelings. I never read anything anymore, because all that happens is you get upset.”

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“310-954-7277 Call me bro. C.” was supposed to be a direct message to Justin Bieber, but Twitter is hard for The Olds. According to the NY Post, Sheen was promptly besieged by countless phone calls and texts. His number has since been shut down.

It’s no surprise that the drug-addled Sheen had a Twitter blunder, but why the heck is he DMing Justin Bieber in the first place? No one over the age of 17 has any business sending their phone # to the Beebs. You stay away from that kid, Charlie. You got nothing he needs.

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For FishbowlLA’s money, nothing says “2011” quite like the category of “Top 10 Fleeting Celebrities.” And in a cruel, ironic twist (or as a reflection of good work by the Kardashian publicists), it is not Khloe, Kim or Khourtney who tops this particular Megan Gibson rundown, but rather an innocent NBA bystander:

Short as it was, we’re guessing that the [Kim Kardashian] marriage lasted longer than our memory of Humphries will.

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