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Advice For Grey’s Anatomy Scandal … From John Mayer

mayer_greys_anatomy.jpgJohn Mayer (“Your Body Is A Wonderland”) has taken a break from his hectic schedule of touring Jessica Simpson to weigh in on the Grey’s Anatomy/Isaiah Washington/”f-ggot”-slurring controversy on his blog. Seriously.

Mayer writes:

By now you’ve probably heard of the incredible tension and controversy on the set of TV’s hit series “Grey’s Anatomy”, involving a particularly unsavory homosexual slur allegedly made to a fellow castmate by actor Isaiah Washington. Gay and lesbian groups are outraged, calling for Mr. Washington’s immediate termination from the show.

Now, far be it from me to chime in on other people’s business, but just like the man standing in line for a movie overhears a stranger behind him whom he knows has confused the finer points of the film “Throw Mama From The Train” with those of “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!”, sometimes you have to turn around and butt into a situation that doesn’t concern you in order to offer a little bit of assistance.

ABC may fire Mr. Washington, and it seems as if the pressure to do so is mounting by the day. They may also choose to placate all parties involved with some well-constructed press releases and the soothing touch of time, but in my mind, neither outcome succeeds in making any strides in promoting the tenets of tolerance and understanding.

I would like to offer my suggestion for a solution; produce an episode of Grey’s Anatomy in which Mr. Washington’s character, Dr. Burke comes out to his friends and colleagues as a gay man!!! What better way for an actor to get to the roots of his discrimination than by portraying the very the subject of his own ire for the remainder of his contract? That’ll learn ya!

In case any writers of the show happen to be reading, I have included some possible script excerpts that might help get this story line up and running.

SCENES FROM ‘GREY’S ANATOMY’, by John Mayer

INT: NIGHT, ON LOCATION

(THE RAMROD, A large rock club is packed to the rafters with energetic, bold looking twenty-somethings. On stage, an almost impossibly flamboyant group of performers are rocking out to a psychedelic beat that has the crowd whipped up into a primal frenzy.)

(CHRISTINA leans into the ear of PRESTON, struggling to be heard over the music)

CHRISTINA:

I think it’s really cool that you wanted to take us to a SCISSOR SISTERS concert, Burke! I gotta say, I never pegged you for the type. You’re always talking about how much you love Ultimate Fighting Championships and Adult Video Award shows.

(CHRISTINA’s eyes skitter from left to right, enlightened.)

Pretty much all the time, come to think of it.

BURKE:

(cautiously)

A friend of mine gave me their CD for Christmas. I figured I’d give it a listen. Turns out they weren’t bad. They have a pleasant enough sound. Besides, I figured it would be nice to show you guys a fun time for once.

CUT TO:

STAGE

(The band plays the final exciting beats of “Kiss You Off”. Jake Shears, The SCISSOR SISTERS lead singer [himself] takes the mic.)

JAKE:

Thank you very muuuuuuch Seattle!!! This next song is called “I Don’t Feel Like Dancing” and tonight, we want to send this song off to a very special man in the crowd, Preston Burke, webmaster of the biggest SISTERS fan site, idontfeellikedancing.com!!! Thanks Preston! The tea cookies you left backstage were deeelish!!!

(CROWD APPLAUDS WILDLY WHILE THE BAND LAUNCHES INTO THEIR HIT SINGLE. PRESTON, now downright sheepish, grabs his coat and small pleather DKNY bag, fumbling towards the exit.)

BURKE:

I think I left a scalpel in that mime today. See ya!!!

And, SCENE.

“But John”, you ask, waking up your roommate, “how can anyone be sure that Mr. Washington will abide by the agreement to play an openly homosexual Cardiothoracic surgeon?”

I present to you a potential storyline that will ensure the power lies with the writing team:

INT., DAYTIME, DR. BURKE’S OFFICE.

(Dr. MEREDITH GREY pokes her head into BURKE’s office)

MEREDITH:

Burke, I just wanted to let you know the mime with the scalpel you left in him is going to make a full reco-

(MEREDITH is shocked)

What is that??

BURKE:

(casually)

What is wha- Oh, this. This is my pet cougar, Dolce. Ferocious little guy.

(a large cougar in a cramped wire crate growls loudly and swipes his giant paw at nothing in particular. Burke is unfazed, studying an EKG print-out)

All I gotta say is, I’m glad he spends all day in his discount cage. If he should ever break out of that rickety thing I’d be a dead man. And I’m a gay doctor working IN a hospital. Sweet nature’s fury!

And, SCENE.

Again, I have very little grounds for offering my advice, but I’m just calling it as I see it — After all, “Throw Mama From the Train” had Ann Ramsey in it, while Estelle Getty was in “Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot!” Couldn’t let that go.

POSTED BY JOHN MAYER AT 10:29 PM FROM BEIRUT, LEBANON

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