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Headline of the Day

Atrocious James Bond FIFA Headline Goes Viral

Eight hours ago, northeast UK resident Ross Loraine tweeted the following:

RossLoraineBondHeadline

Thanks to Loraine, this #epicfail has since been furiously passed around the Twittersphere as well as picked up by various newspapers and blogs.

The article is from the Times of India. The online version, wisely, currently displays some much more palatable “Licence to Thrill” wordplay in reference to James Rodriguez, the star of Colombia’s FIFA World Cup 2-0 victory over Uruguay. Above a strong lede paragraph:

There, you have your Colombian James Bond now. Born in Cucuta in 1991, far removed from Ian Fleming’s world and time, the boy James Rodriguez was named after the fictional secret agent by excited parents Wilson and Maria, who probably never thought he would have the World Cup in Brazil ‘shaken and stirred’ a little more than two decades later.

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The Verge Has No Plans to Test X-Rated iPad Case

We here at FishbowlNY are very familiar with the vagaries of Friday afternoon posting. At that point in the week, people are pretty much done with hard-news browsing. All they want is fun and frivolity. Or, at most, a very different kind of hard news.

Fleshlight-LaunchPAD-Back

Score one in all those departments for The Verge news editor Carl Franzen. This past Friday at 3:43 p.m., he picked up on some Mashable musings and went live with an article headlined “You Can Now Literally Have Sex with Your iPad:”

The idea is to attach the Fleshlight LaunchPAD to the iPad and play a sexually arousing video on its screen. A person can then pleasure themselves with the iPad [holstered with the separate Fleshlight device of their choice] while watching a video in landscape mode, all for the price of $24.95.

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A McDonald’s Horror Story

How do you react when you read the following headline, first published Tuesday afternoon by the New York Post?:

NYPostMcDonaldsHeadline

Does it make you never want to eat at a McDonald’s again? Does it make you more fearful of living in New York City? Or does it simply remind that the City That Never Sleeps is also, alas, the City That Never Ceases to Shock?

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Puck Headlines Abound After Hard-Fought Rangers Victory

FourthPeriodCoverUsually, it’s the players and coaches that get top billing in Stanley Cup Final summaries. But not today, thanks to not one but two heart-stopping Game 4 moments involving hockey pucks magically sitting on the Rangers’ goal line behind Henriq Lundqvist.

Puck Chooses Rangers in Game 4
[The Sporting News]

Pucks Finally Bounce (or Stop) in NY’s Favor, But LA Still in Control
[Fox Sports]

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NYU Thesis Project Makes Penis Headlines

The way our mind works, we were more immediately struck by the fact that NYU student Peiqi Su‘s name bears a striking resemblance to a certain Buddy Holly song. However, most of our media colleagues prefer to focus on the fact that her art installation features 81 3D-printed penises.

Notable headlines include:

Wall Street’s Fluctuations Now Tracked by Floppy Robot Wieners
[Guyism]

University Student’s Penis Wall Does Mexican Wave
[South Africa's The Times]

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How Do You Like Them Icebergs?

It’s a click-eat-click world. Which means that even when the topic is of a scientific and impacting-us-all nature, a little extra headline-oomph is still sometimes deemed necessary.

From today’s OnEarth:

OnEarthHolySheetHeadline

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NYT Parenting Columnist Tackles Marijuana Dilemma

RonLieberPicThe headline – “What to Do When Your Child Wants Marijuana Stocks” – at first almost seems like a gag. But on this 4/20-minus-three Thursday, New York Times parenting columnist Ron Lieber (pictured) is entirely serious:

Few mothers and fathers prepare themselves for a circumstance I’ve encountered twice in just the last month: What to do about a child who wants to buy stock in marijuana companies? Should the fact that we probably don’t want our children consuming the stuff mean that they shouldn’t try to make money off of it either?

Lieber offers three general directives for parents seeking to guide their progeny’s stock market picks. The reader comments to this one are definitely going to be worth watching; here’s some early reaction from mom Joanne:

I’d absolutely give my daughter supportive advice to invest in marijuana companies as I believe that it is time for the pox to be over regarding marijuana AND it is an enormous new business opportunity that will change the economics of our country. On the other hand, it’s most pharmaceutical companies that I would advise her against investing her money.

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A Groan-Inducing HuffPo Headline

We’re fine with the first half of this headline. It’s the second portion, following the comma, that we have an issue with.

HuffPostLiveHeadline

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Media Covering Illinois ‘Penis Church’ Keep It Clean

PenisChurchBecause in this case, there’s no need to be clever, pun-tastic or salacious. The straight Dixon, IL facts are enough to hang some very bizarre headlines and first paragraphs on:

Pastor Denies New Church Intended to Look Like Giant Penis from Space
[AmericaBlog]

No Plans to Change Shape of Illinois Church That Looks Like Penis from the Sky, Officials Say
[New York Daily News]

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AP Confirms Knish Catastrophe

Across the country today, under the byline of AP writers Frank Eltman and Verena Dobnik, newspaper readers are catching up to some unfortunate food news.

Headline_AP_11_11

A late September fire at Gabila Food Products Inc. in Copiague, NY on Long Island has decimated the supply side of knish economics. The 92-year-old manufacturer typically sells about 15 million knishes a year:

Kvetching has been going on at delis, diners, food carts and groceries since the six-week-long shortage began, but lovers of the square, fried, doughy pillows of pureed potatoes may not have to go without much longer. The factory promises an end to the knish crunch by Thanksgiving, which coincides with the start of Hanukkah.

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