Virginia Tech was a “non-story,” no more important than news of a “traffic accident.” Magazine editors should be ashamed of themselves for not publishing the Danish cartoons. Anna Nicole was a “fat slut.” Religion “poisons everything.”

Oh, and women? They still aren’t funny.

Some words of wisdom offered by Vanity Fair contributing editor, author, National Magazine Award finalist and newly-ordained American citizen Christopher Hitchens at the American Society of Magazine Editors’ annual board meeting/luncheon at the Princeton Club this afternoon in New York.

Hitchens, politely grilled by Slate editor Jacob Weisberg, sounded off on everything from Imus to Saddam to George Tenet in front of a roomful of magazine editors, but his comments about the slain Virginia Tech students seemed to be the most provocative.

“Virginia Tech is a non-story,” said the British-born Hitchens, who said he took his oath as a U.S. citizen earlier in the day. “There were no implications” of anything bigger, explained Hitchens, who compared the shootings to a “traffic accident.” When one editor suggested the massacre pushed gun control to the forefront of the American conversation, Hitchens argued that the laws in Virginia were adequate — shooting people is already illegal, Hitchens said.

Weisberg suggested Hitchens — whose latest book, god is not great: How Religion Poisons Everything is out tomorrow — was a provacateur; Hitchens bristled. As a journalist, your job is to “take nothing on faith,” he said.

When asked about his controversial piece in which Hitchens argued women are not funny, he pointed to male friends who “would not have a prayer of getting laid without being amusing.”

The latest newspaper circulation numbers are out, and the Daily News wasted little time in claiming victory over its arch-rival Post in New York-area circulation, which the News defines as “31 counties in the New York metropolitan area,” topping the Post by 60,000 copies. Despite the grim state of the industry, both the Post and Daily News posted overall circ gains.

The Wall Street Journal and (#2 nationwide) and USA Today (#1) were the only other two newspapers to post percentage gains in the top 10. The New York Times (#3) dropped roughly two percent.

The Post, though, still holds a razor-thin lead on the Daily News in overall circulation. The News‘ proclamation comes six months after the last circ report, when the Post blasted a historic headline after it surpassed the News for the first time.

Still, it’s a weird time to claiming any sort of victory, considering how grim the industry’s overall numbers appear. Circulation for the Star Ledger and Newsday, for instance, dropped plunged six percent.

The top 25:

1. USA TODAY 2,278,022; (+0.23%)
2. THE WALL STREET JOURNAL, 2,062,312; (+0.61%)
3. NEW YORK TIMES, 1,120,420; (-1.93%)
4. LOS ANGELES TIMES, 815,723; (-4.24%)
5. NEW YORK POST, 724,748; (+7.63%)
6. NEW YORK DAILY NEWS, 718,174; (+1.37%)
7. WASHINGTON POST, 699,130; (-3.47%)
8. CHICAGO TRIBUNE, 566,827; (-2.12%)
9. HOUSTON CHRONICLE, 503,114; (-2.00%)
10. ARIZONA REPUBLIC 433,731; (-1.14%)

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The real story: Caucasian students at Lewiston High School in Lewiston, Maine left a ham steak on a cafeteria table to offend Somali teens.

The fake story: An article on Associated Content, a site of user-generated content, reported that L-town students put a ham sandwich on the table to anger the Somalis. The story included humorous made-up quotes from superintendent Leon Levesque and Stephen Wessler, the executive director of the Center for Prevention of Hate Violence.

Fox News then aired at least eight segments referencing Associated Content’s article.

On Tuesday, Fox & Friends reported these parody quotes and details as actual news. Poking fun at the students, hosts asked whether ham was “a hate crime… or lunch?” and showed screen shots of ham sandwiches, starving Somalians, belching, animal noises, and mock “reenactments” of the incident. Ironically, the hosts assured viewers several times, “We’re not making this up!”

“Fair and Balanced” for sure — even if it’s fake.

Tishman Speyer is selling the NYT‘s old building on 43rd street to Israeli billionaire Lev Leviev for about $525 million, almost three times what the former company paid for the spot in 2004.

Unrelated to the sale, the paper is moving down the street to a beautiful new skyscraper. Sounds like a pretty good trade to us.

RELATED:

• Where Will Rosie: Land? [NYP]
• Bloomberg For President: Will “never happen.” [The Week]
• The Z Man: Takes over New York media. [Marketwatch]
• Shock Jock: Glad Imus is gone. [[Daily Intel]
• Did A Chilean Mag: Steal Radar‘s “Toxic Bachelor” story? [NYT]
  

Parties, panels and other notable media gatherings

MONDAY 04.30.07

WHO: Don Cheadle and John Prendergast
WHAT: Not on Our Watch: A Mission to End Genocide in Darfur and Beyond
WHEN: 7:00PM
WHERE: Barnes & Noble, 33 E 17th St
WHY YOU SHOULD GO: Co-written by A-list actor Cheadle and activist Prendergast, the book takes yet another long hard look at the crisis in the Sudan and gives ideas for how you can get involved. And yes, because Don Cheadle rules.

WHO: David Ortiz
WHAT: Big Papi: My Story of Big Dreams and Big Hits, book signing
WHEN: 12:00PM
WHERE: Barnes & Noble, 555 Fifth Avenue
WHY YOU SHOULD GO: Big Papi? Book-signing? In New York? Perfect.

Frank Rich let a cat out of the bag in the 13th paragraph of his Sunday op-ed:

After last weekend’s correspondents’ dinner, The Times decided to end its participation in such events. But even were the dinner to vanish altogether, it remains but a yearly televised snapshot of the overall syndrome. The current White House, weakened as it is, can still establish story lines as fake as “Mission Accomplished” and get a free pass.

No word on other media outlets (somehow, we doubt Fox News is going to put the kibosh on coverage, even though C-SPAN televises it). But if next year’s host is Rich Little again, the entire press corps would be smart to follow the Times‘ lead.

EARLIER:

Kyle Crafton, mediabistro.com’s former publisher and chief financial officer, got married over the weekend. He also disclosed where he’s landing next: real estate-focused Curbed.com and grub-gossip centric Eater, Gawker managing editor Lockhart Steele‘s burgeoning side empire. Crafton announced he was stepping down in February to explore entrepreneurial opportunities.

No word on a start date for Crafton or a title, for that matter.

RELATED:

Reading Forbes‘ serial namedropping media columnist James Brady‘s columns has become one of FishbowlNY’s favorite weekly rituals. A guilty pleasure, if you will. So you can imagine our feverish excitement when we read the title of this week’s Brady gem:

Bimbos or Sweet 16

We, of course, were ready for a creepy cringefest of a column. We were almost disappointed. Almost:

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