April Winchell, writer, radio personality, and the funniest person we know, took time out from her busy day to answer the FBLA 20 Questions:
1. What newspapers do you read?
Whatever’s laying around at the Methadone clinic.
2. Which ones do you move your lips while reading?
My father taught me never to move my lips.
Also this one:
I can’t believe they make this product in this scent, and I have to look at it almost every day. Seriously, am I washing it or marinating it? I bet this is what Padma Lakshmi uses.
4. Where do you get your car washed?
Oh that’s funny. Sometimes I scrape the bird shit off my windshield with a key, but that’s about it.
5. Do you know your dentist’s first name? Doctor.
6. Do you believe newspapers are going to die? If so, when? Who knows how long any of us have?
7. What was the last book you read? Some drivel by Chuck Klosterman
8.What’s the last book you say you read? No one thinks I can read.
9. If you got a unicorn what would you name it? “Ashton” if it was a boy, “Demi” if it was a girl.
10. What does your TiVo think about you? That I’m a gay man in my 50′s.
11. character of fiction you most resemble? The Golem of Prague.
12. Who plays you in your bio-pic? It’s between “Kid” and “Play”.
13. Do you floss? Hell yes. I paid for these teeth, I’m keeping them.
14. Did you ever believe your toys come alive when you leave the room? Do you still?
The only fantasies I ever had as a child involved hotwiring my dad’s Caddy and getting away.
15. How many old cell phones do you own? Two. There’s a cell phone recycling bin at the supermarket, but the idea disturbs me. I can’t bear the thought of someone getting my old phone returning all my calls.
16. Best show legendary biz/movie star encounter.
1. Uninspired teenage sex with Kevin Spacey in my Honda Civic.
2. Working on Grace Under Fire and seeing Brett Butler flash her new tits at
3. Walking in on my dad and Lucy smoking a joint.
4. Spotting Juliet Prowse with a shopping cart full of Popov Vodka at Ralphs.
5. Gig Young attempting to french kiss my 15 year old sister in the pantry.
There’s more, but therapy isn’t until Friday.
17. Do you get satellite radio? I don’t.
18. And as a follow do you “get” satellite radio? I do.
19. Do you read the Enquirer/InTouch/US/People?
All of them. Magazines like these are essential to daily living. Without them, we would have nothing to read on the toilet.
20. Do you lie about it?
I’m out and I’m proud. I’m here, I read In Touch Weekly, get used to it.
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