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I’d Like To Thank The Academy, And NPR, For Giving Me This Honor

clooneyspeech.jpgWe all secretly have our Oscar speeches in our heads, don’t we?

Along with our moms, and our deities and our third-grade teachers, we’d use the airtime to make a romantic or meaningful offer of thanks to someone unexpected.

Or maybe we’d use the limelight to really stick it to Tracy Schindler for turning the entire fourth-grade class against us and stealing Ben Glassman out from under our noses and sending us home crying in a heap of fractured self esteem nearly every day of our wretched grade school lives.

Or something.

Either way, NPR Multi-Platform Network is giving us a chance to thank the Academy in its “Write Your Own Oscar Speech” contest. The only catch is, NPR doesn’t want you to write your speech. Instead, the judges want you to write an acceptance speech in the voice of the characters portrayed by the nominated actors.

“There was a recognition that our listeners are very smart and very creative, and we’d like to bring them in whenever possible,” an NPR spokeswoman told FBLA. “Maybe we’ll have people write their own speeches next year. (For this contest) it came down to the idea that most of our listeners would identify with the characters in the films.”

That and nobody cares about your own petty childhood traumas and the nasty little girls who inflicted them. (So there, Tracy!)

Here’s NPR’s press release on the contest:

Now everyone can be a winner on Oscar night — or at least you can try with’s first ever “Write Your Own Oscar Speech” contest. NPR is now accepting entries. To enter, write an acceptance speech on behalf of a favorite 2007 academy award nominee — only catch is the speech must be written in the voice of the character portrayed by the nominee. That means best actress nominee Helen Mirren’s speech should be in the character of Queen Elizabeth. Or best supporting actress nominee Jennifer Hudson’s speech should be written as DreamGirl Effie might sing it.

NPR’s digital media staff will select the best entries and announce the winners and runners up at by February 23, 2007. The speech must be no more than 200 words and submitted no later than February 17, 2007, 11:59 p.m. PDT. For contest rules and how to apply, details can be found at

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