You knew it was only a matter of time before what Esquire refers to in its most recent issue as the encroaching pornocratization of our entire culture finally polluted august publications such as...Esquire itself. The result is the swift demise of the celebrity interview.

We mean, it must be, because the Scarlett Johansson cover and article that goes with it could hardly be any more pornocratic: While Ms. Johansson's baby-doll pout and massive cleavage sell the book, an unrelated Tom Junod story inside goes to great pains to explain how the flames of the conservative/liberal culture wars are stoked by pornography, itself a numbing cultural agent, which is not to be supported. The Johansson article includes such tidbits as why she would like younger men to try to seduce her, rather than older creeps who are currently trying. Fabulous. Wait, wasn't it Junod who - a few issues back - decried the ascendancy of the new female pornocratic type known as an "oven stuffer?" We think so.

Therefore, in a world where you can no longer tell the cover or content of Esquire apart from FHM or Stuff, Fishbowl herewith suggests next month's cover. Why bother with the face? It's merely distracting. Just feature the cleavage and have Junod interview it, waxing sentimental about the days before the laddie impulse turned gentlemen's mags into uncritical agents of pornocratization. Perhaps it'll have something interesting to say.