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Maxim.com Names Queen Elizabeth II as #1 Available Rich Woman/Prince Philip Not Reached for Comment

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Maxim.com (which has NOTHING to do with Maxim magazine, according to the email pitch) has selected a group of rich women who aren’t paired off, and thus available to anyone.

And facts don’t stand in the way of the masterminds at Maxim.com:

#1 Queen Elizabeth II

Age: 80
Net Worth: $720 million
Source: Blueness of blood
Marital Status: So lonely
Key to her heart: At this point you’d pretty much have to be king of the universe. And British.
She’s not the richest person on this list, but landing the Queen of England would be the greatest single achievement in the history of male gold-digging ever. Let the teabagging begin.


Maxim DOT Com does suggest that the recently married J.K. Rowling might be up for some extra action:

#3 J.K. Rowling
Age: 39
Net Worth: $1 billion
Source: An extremely hairy potter
Marital Status: Recently married
Key to her heart: Grow a magical teenage mustache that’s forever soft and stimulating.
She’s the only one on this list who isn’t single, but everybody knows her marriage is about as earnest as Tom and Katie’s. She was once quoted as saying, “Talking to adults scares me”, so if you’re one of those guys who looks like he’s twelve, try to touch her goblets of fire at the next book signing.

Queen Elizabeth II is still married to Prince Philip, and we’re not speculating on how lonely she is. She can ring for a footman or two.

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And Rowling’s marriage? She is married to a Harry Potter lookalike, but so what? Maybe he has a magic wand.

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