Village Voice columnist and self-proclaimed "recovering TV-soundbyte whore" Michael Musto took a break from his exhaustive media schedule this weekend of commenting on cable on the Britney-Lohan scandals to catch up with FishbowlNY:

FishbowlNY: Do you think the whole Britney-chicken grease thing will actually turn OK! to the dark side of "The Gossip"?

Musto: No, I actually think it will launch a line of Alisha Levine wet naps, as well as a collection of Zac Posen toilet paper for trailer trash dogs.

FBNY: I saw you on a BET talking heads show and thought, "I'm going to name him an honorary black man." And so, I did. How does it feel to be a black man in America?

Musto: I used to joke, "I've been on every single channel except BET." Then BET called. Ever since then, I've been extremely honored to be black. But I resent the suggestion that I'm a man — I'm actually the new Della Reese!

FBNY: My sister and I email back and forth after reading your column. Both of us agree that after all these years you are filthier than ever before. What say you?

Musto: Yes I am — and for you and your sister to notice, it must really be bad. But the truth is, a combination of head injury and midlife crisis has made me go for skankier depths of filth in my attempts to titillate. Plus the public is so jaded you have to sauce things up a little just to get them off the Internet and onto the printed page — though right now, I guess, they're back on the Internet.

FBNY: Some would say that the recently Sunday Styles-profiled Perez Hilton is a monster that you helped to create. You two were thick as thieves at your book party. What advice would you give him — as a master of media, yourself — for his new VH1 show?

Musto: Yes, I am the Dr. Frankenstein behind Perez, and he is gracious enough to acknowledge that. He even co-hosted that book party. But at this point for me to give him advice would be like Todd Bridges offering wisdom to Shia LaBeouf.

FBNY: That comment about Victoria Gotti being a trannie in the suburbs made me snort my gin. Evil genius. Do you worry about retaliation, my dear?

Musto: I've long made gentle fun of Vicki and not paid the price for it in the least. But it's probably because I generally follow each remark with cute squeals of, "Don't kill me, Victoria! I love you!" In this case, though, I feel she should send me flowers for the compliment.

— Ron Mwangaguhunga