It was no Michael Richards, but we imagine it was just as uncomfortable for the audience. On Sunday at UCB — in front of a packed house including Ethan Hawke — Martha Plimpton opened the show by telling a long story about a trip to Mexico in which the 36-year-old actress and Goonies star decided to use the crystal clear ocean waters as, well, a toilet.

A FishbowlNY tipster reports:

"She ends up telling this long story about staying on the beach in Mexico. She had to take a really big poo. She went to use a bathroom but there were holes in the boards so people could see in, so she decided to, uh, shit in the ocean. But she forgot to take into account how the water is clear and things float. So when she was finished, she started to swim in, and there was an oily slick trailing her. She mentioned something about doing something scares her to death every year, and telling this story in front of an audience was it."

Happy Thanksgiving, everybody!

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