The Black Table takes no prisoners in its final week, knocking it out of the park thanks to a hilarious, deeply-researched (if not strictly ethical) exposé on the free-flinging swag-slinging ways of publicists, whose lavish bequeathitudes kept Men's Fitness editor Mac Montandan fed, watered, housed and entertained for a full week. Jardine Libaire, take note; Graydon, methinks you just got challenged on the brass-balls front.

Gawker tallies up the list of his spoils (we are most jealous of the $160 massage, especially if it was by a strapping musclebound lad named Sven). Fishbowl's attention was caught, however, by some of the hilarious magazines, article ideas and taglines. A sampling:

• Ten-Hut! - a scary military magazine for which he probably could have procured a scarier Smith & Wesson
  
• Jew York (classic New York font and all): "Because the City Is Ours -- All Ours!"
  
• Fake lad mag DEETS' assigns "50 Things You Never Wanted to Do, But Should Anyway"; Montadan is gifted with a colonic.
  
• Party of One: "Sexy in the City" (perfect for inspiring you once you get up to your free hotel room -- alone)
  
• Yum! Magazine, which got him powerbars for "Best On-The-Go Foods" and Shabbat dinner at the 92nd St. Y for "best Shabbat dinners" (what, your precious story was too good for Jew York, Mr. I'm-So-Special?)
  
• "A dog spa wants to know more about Heavy Petting magazine." People, you deserve what you get.

Also, two blog-and-BlackTable synchronicity notes: (1) Mac Montadan is none other than the founder of "Silence of the City" -- happy home of many a rejected New Yorker "Talk of the Town" piece -- as featured in Fishbowl this summer; and (2)he invokes legendary "ubiquitous party guest" Shaggy, whom Fishbowl met on her own BlackTable assignment long ago (and also met delicious free appetizers and swag, courtesy of some nice Republicans). Hilarious, jaw-dropping piece if you have time. Bravo, BT and MM.

THE BEST THINGS IN LIFE ARE GIVEN TO YOU BY PUBLICISTS [BlackTable]
Imaginary Magazines Still Fetch Very Real Swag [Gawker]

Related:
Making that New Yorker rejection work for you! [FBNY]