SNL and my Football Night In America show share adjoining studios, so upon my arrival yesterday, awaiting me was one of the cue cards from the bit, with Ben writing of the sketch: “Keith — Remember, a) I didn’t write this; b) it took years of study — fondly, Ben.”

As to the giddiness: Honestly, everybody deserves a laugh but if on the weekend before the presidential election they spent more than seven seconds bothering with ME, the campaign staff has even less of a clue than I thought.

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New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

— DIANE CLEHANE

We’ve truly hit the dog days of summer when there isn’t one Fiji water sipping-celeb in sight come high noon at 55th & Fifth. Luckily, that didn’t mean there was a shortage of Tinseltown talk in the dining room. The topic du jour — what else? — Lindsay Lohan’s latest arrest on suspicion of DUI. (For those two people who’ve been on the moon, it’s the starlet’s second bust in three months and comes on the heels of her recent 45-day stay at Promises and her big show of wearing an ankle bracelet that was supposedly programmed to detect any alcohol in her system). “If I were her publicist,” sighed one media maven, “I’d have my head in the oven.” Uber publicist Ken Sunshine, who represents one-time rehabber Ben Affleck, told me he’d received “tons of calls” from outlets near and far to weigh in on Lohan’s dire straits and said, “Her problems are beyond PR issues.” The Today Show‘s Marc Victor says Lohan’s relapse is sure to focus attention on the country club-like atmosphere of facilities that cater to coddled celebs: “That’s certainly something that will be looked at now.” The general consensus among today’s crowd is that this story has gone from tabloid train wreck to a truly tragic tale. “She needs compassion,” said Lisa Sharkey, Harper Collins’ senior vice president and director of creative development who, together with the house’s executive editor, Maureen O’Brien, was lunching with Sunshine. No doubt that’s exactly what the editors of Us Weekly, In Touch and TMZ.com are thinking …

Here’s the rundown on the rest of the crowd:

1. Jeff Greenfield, Jerry Della Femina, Gerald Imber and another gentleman we didn’t recognize.

2. Peter Brown

3. ‘Mayor’ Joe Armstrong, Today‘s Marc Victor and Men’s Health editor Dave Zinczenko. Our pal Dave was overheard thanking Esquire‘s David Granger for putting a call into none other than George Clooney inviting him to speak at the upcoming American Magazine Conference about his work in Darfur. (Politicians are so last year!) To entice the Oscar winner, seems plans are in the works to see if there’s a way to “incentive-ize” publishers into offering ad space to help promote Clooney’s off-screen endeavor.

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New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

Perhaps Timberlake and Diaz are the latest victims of E!’s Love Ride curse. If Timberlake and Diaz are over, that means three of the eight couples featured in the new series have gone kaput. With Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock along with Britney Spears and Kevin Federline over, who’s left to worry about the curse? Brangelina, TomKat, Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, and Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick.

Three of eight, huh? That’s not exactly Madden Curse territory.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

After watching footage of a seemingly-drunken Ben Affleck grope a Canadian interviewer surface on YouTube, we surmised that it was only a matter of time before what we’d call “Embarassing Press Junket B-Roll” wind its way to free Web video sites. Here, Stranger Than Fiction‘s Dustin Hoffman channels every dirty grandpa ever, telling a joke that should be filed in the “probably not suitable for work” bin. At least there wasn’t a lapdance involved.

Enjoy!

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