“Are you interested in chartering a yacht this summer?”

That’s the first question they ask you when you enter the VIP area of the Bridgehampton Polo Club in Bridgehampton, Long Island — a breezy, three-plus-hour afternoon drive from Manhattan — where the 2007 Mercedes-Benz Polo Challenge chukked off Saturday.

Second question (also the fifth, seventh, eighth and eleventh): “Would you like soda water with your Patron and grapefruit splash?”

This is, after all, the Hamptons, where the privleged shell out $15,000 and up for a private concert series from Prince, James Taylor, Dave Matthews, Billy Joel, Tom Petty; where Hummers tow Ferraris (not kidding, saw just that on the L.I.E.); where Howard Stern‘s girlfriend Beth O. gets more attention than Reggie Frickin’ Jackson; where bartenders rinse mixing glasses with Evian; where someone is referred to as the “mallet maestro” with a straight face; where barely anyone notices, or cares, that Danny Masterson is deejaying; where barely anyone notices, or cares, which team wins the match, much less who’s playing. (White Birch beat Team Endeavor 12-7 or something.)

Nope, it’s a place where people want to look each other looking at each other — and the ensuing awkwardness of looking at say, that guy [below], is washed away with each bottle of free Patron. (Oh, tequila.)

Still, we don’t necessarily blame the crowd at Two Trees Farm for not caring about polo. It’s a sport that calls its periods “chukkas,” allows Debra Messing — the event’s celebrity host — to pose for the on-field paparazzi before issuing the throw-in, and its players to pose for photos with VIPs beyond the tents at halftime — yes, during the match.

More photos of the, excuse us, clusterf*ckery:

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