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Salon’s verbose advice columnist Cary Tennis struggles to answer a simple question:

How can I get a writing job?

He thinks newbie writers can just snag interview subjects by deception:

If there is an interview do the interview. If the interview subject asks, What publication? say you’re freelance. Don’t say the name of the publication. The subject will call people at the publication and they will say they’ve never heard of you. Then it will seem like you made something up. They don’t like that. They can be touchy. They think they’re important. So be honest: You are freelance.

Oh yeah, that’ll work. Call up Joan Walsh and try that line. Of course, the esteemed Heather Havrilesky lied to get her copy-editing job with suck.com. But that was then.

FBLA refers ingenue writers to the excellent advice offered here, right at mediabistro.com.

Re: image above. Unfortunately, the game doesn’t allow the player to negotiate kill fees, wrestle editors into submission and blast fact checkers into oblivion with a specially equipped laptop of death.