— DIANE CLEHANE

Between the heinous weather that has us nursing what must be walking pneumonia, a deadly dull award season (Does anybody really care about the Oscars without the parties?) and some mind-numbingly bad television we’ve been forced to endure (What the hell happened to Nip/Tuck?), we were yearning for some excitement today at 55th & Fifth. Alas, there was nary a bold-face name in sight. Except for a delightfully random celebrity sighting — Patrick Stewart, looking quite collegiate in a grey crewneck sweater — we loved you in A Christmas Carol! — things were pretty much business as usual in the dining room. The staff, though, was abuzz that none other than Captain Picard had landed in the dining room.

Here’s the rundown on today’s crowd:

1. Showtime’s Stu Zakim hosting his “bi-monthly guy’s lunch.” In attendance: ABC’s Jeff Schneider, recruiter Arnie Huberman, SIRIUS’ Patrick Riley and Portfolio‘s Jeff Bercovici. I congratulated Jeff on tapping into the zeitgeist in yesterday’s Mixed Media column where he reported on the tipping point that seems to indicate some — but clearly not all — in the media seem to be having a (slight) attack of conscience when it comes to reporting 24/7 on the sad spectacle of Britney Spears’ alleged mental illness. Jeff emailed the editors of the celebrity weeklies to weigh in on the subject but only People‘s managing editor Larry Hackett responded. Larrys take: the whole thing has Day of The Locust feel to it, but in the unlikely event the media did back off, it’s “presumptuous” to assume the fallen pop star would finally start to get well. I agree. (Full disclosure: I am a People contributor). Interestingly, there’s also a piece in today’s USA Today that reports — duh! — “Britney’s collapse: Media not helping.” The collective sense among journos that cover celebrities and the business of celebrity that this story is going to end badly is palpable. The question is: how will those that have been the beneficiaries of the Britney media bonanza cover the final chapter of this tale? Us Weekly reported last month that AP has already written Spears’ obit. Remember when Princess Diana died and George Clooney held a press conference to blame the tabloid media for her death? Is there anyone besides Heidi Klum, who has said that Brit can come and live with her and Seal until she gets her life together, that can actually do anything to alter Spears’ collision course with tabloid infamy before its too late? George, are you busy?

2. Producer Jon Hart, who predicts a “low key” Oscars on Sunday, with two business-types we didn’t recognize …

3. Katherine Oliver celebrating her birthday with a table full of pals including Lisa Dallos and Chris Taylor.

4. Gerald Schoenfeld & Candia Fisher.

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— DIANE CLEHANE

What recession? The dining room at 55th & Fifth was buzzing with the usual assemblage of bold face names, social swans and television types that tucked into their Cobb salads with gusto while digesting some of the week’s harrowing headlines. Hollywood figured heavily into many of today’s conversation with folks reeling from the shocking death of Heath Ledger and others seriously contemplating the possibility of a celebrity-free Academy Awards. IGM’s Fern Mallis, who is days away from kicking off Mercedes Benz Fashion Week, hopes cooler heads will prevail on the left coast and everyone is back on the red carpet come Oscar night. “With the economy tanking, it’s not about seeing pretty dresses on the red carpet,” says Fern. “It’s about having so many people being put out of work as a result of the strike. We need this Oscar to happen for a lot of reasons.” The one bright spot: since the stars aren’t working at the moment, Fern expects a slew of celebrities to show up at Bryant Park. At the top of her wish list: George Clooney. “I’d always find a seat for him.’ Perhaps when the newly minted best actor nominee wraps up his rumored role in the negotiations to get everybody back to work, he’ll make time for a pit stop in New York. Here’s hoping …

Here’s the rundown on today’s crowd:

1. ‘Mayor’ Joe Armstrong, Sharon Hoge and a table full of handsome gents.

2. Richard Rubenstein.

3. Peter Price.

4. Esther Newberg with ‘Barefoot Contessa’ Ina Garten.

5. Harper Collins’ Jane Friedman.

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New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.

1. Gotham’s greatest local line-up — anchorwomen and reporters Peri Peltz, Jane Hansen (love the longer chic ‘do!), Rosanna Scotto, Penny Crone and Lynn White. We’d love to know what the headlines from this afternoon were after this crowd was through dishing and dining …

2. Producer Jonathan Hart and guest.

3. “Mayor” Joe Armstrong and Men’s Health honcho Dave Zinczenko. The always dashing duo chatted with today’s lunchtime chronicler, Diane Clehane, about their jam-packed itineraries. Joe is just back from his third trip with Habitat for Humanity where he was building houses (literally) in the still devastated areas of New Orleans. Says Joe: “It’s incredible. Thirty-thousand homes were lost where we were. People need to know there is still so much that needs to be done. It’s devastating.” The inexhaustible Dave is busy preparing for his first trip to the Oscars where he’ll hobnob with A-list agents and talent at the hot parties around town. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it … His Oscar pick? “I’m rooting for Scorsese.”

4. Power blondes Liz Smith and Lesley Stahl lunching with Christine Quinn (whose two discreet but imposing-looking bodyguards kept watch at the door). Could there be a 60 Minutes piece on the city council speaker in the works? We’ll have to ask Mayor Armstrong — — Liz pulled up a chair and joined Joe and Dave after her guests left and “closed the place” long after the rest of the lunch crowd departed

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New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.