People has named Gwyneth Paltrow the world’s most beautiful woman. Paltrow, upon hearing the meaningless news, said, “I can’t believe it. I kept thinking, ‘This can’t be true.’ I’ve never been more surprised or flattered.”

To celebrate the honor, Paltrow will hand-pick several Indonesian children to knit a life size replica of her face that will soon be available for purchase via Goop, for $47,500.

Lesley Messer is leaving People magazine after seven years to join ABC News Digital as its new entertainment editor. Messer had been a TV and film columnist with People.

“As we continue to develop our entertainment and lifestyle verticals, Lesley’s expertise and enthusiasm will elevate ABC News Digital’s entertainment coverage with more original videos, social content, exclusive interviews and live stream experiences that enhance the overall user experience,” wrote Ali Gazan, ABC News Digital’s head of lifestyle content, in a memo. “Lesley comes to ABC News with a vast knowledge of the entertainment industry, a great list of contacts and a passion for pop culture.”

Gazan’s full note is below.

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Joey Bartolomeo is leaving her post at People magazine to be reunited with Lucy Danziger at Self. Bartolomeo was a senior writer with People. Prior to People she held positions at US Weekly, Allure and Harper’s Bazaar.

At Self, The New York Post reports that Bartolomeo will be an entertainment and features editor director.

Bartolomeo starts at Self tomorrow.

Martha Nelson, an editorial director at Time since 2010, has been promoted to editor-in-chief. Nelson, who assumes the top editorial position next month, becomes only the seventh editor-in-chief in the company’s 90-year history, and the first woman to hold that role at Time.

“This is the most exciting time in our company’s history and I’m thrilled to take on the role of editor-in-chief,” Nelson says. “We have a unique group of powerful brands led by talented and passionate people.  Our commitment to journalistic excellence combined with our drive for innovation makes me confident in our future.”

Nelson has spent 20 years at Time Inc. — launching new franchises, reinvigorating others, and amassing numerous honors along the way, including being named one of the World’s Most Powerful Women three years in a row by Forbes magazine.

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Gossip rags love a good celebrity breakup, so naturally, they were all over the split of Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. We would add something here about how creepy the whole situation has been, but you know, Scientologists. Those people don’t mess around.

Most celebrity glossies weren’t afraid of rustling some feathers though, and they were rewarded for it. According to the New York Post, the titles that went big on the TomKat news sold well. People saw newsstands sales jump to 1.4 million, Us Weekly sold 720,000 and In Touch had 632,000 copies fly off the shelves.

OK! — which was prevented from putting the Holmes and Cruise divorce on its cover because of its deadline — sold below 200,000 copies.

For celebrity magazines, this proves that when famous people experience difficult times, it’s a good idea to talk about it as much as possible.

Two big editors at Time Inc. are rumored to have signed on for more of the magazine life. According to The New York Post, Larry Hackett and Richard Stengel, the Managing Editors of People and Time, respectively, have each renewed their contracts.

Both contacts are for two years, which is less than the typical three year deal, reports the Post.

Hackett and Stengel have been at their positions since 2006.

Andrea Lavinthal has been named Style Director for People.com. Lavinthal comes to People from Us Weekly, where she most recently worked as its Online Beauty and Style Director.

At People, Lavinthal will oversee the StyleWatch channel’s editorial direction and more.

According to People, Beyoncé is the most beautiful woman in the world. The magazine crowned her in its upcoming double issue, which hits newsstands Friday. Beyoncé told People that her daughter, Blue Ivy, has changed her life for the better.

“I feel more beautiful than I’ve ever felt because I’ve given birth,” she explained. “I have never felt so connected, never felt like I had such a purpose on this Earth.”

We have three questions:

1. How long until Beyoncé plasters this honor all over her Tumblr?
2. Will Jay-Z include this in a rap?
3. How does Beanie Sigel feel about this?

With the Oscars now over, let’s continue the self-congratulatory awards news with The American Society of Magazine Editors’ Digital Ellies finalists. Leading the way with 10 nominations is Condé Nast. Golf Digest, GQ, The New Yorker and Wired were selected for doing great things in the digital realm.

Runner-up was Time Inc.with six nominations for Cooking Light, EW.com, People, Sports Illustrated and Time. The Washington Post Company held down third place with four nods for Foreign Policy and Slate.

Below is the full list of finalists. If you happen to work at one of these publications, pat yourself on the back and be sure to humblebrag about it on Twitter.

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The Oscars are boring as hell, but it still grabs lots of attention. People magazine understands that, and as usual around this time of year, it will be doing all sorts of things to get the most out of the award ceremony honoring men and women who pretend to be other men and women.

Here is a look at some of what People is doing, as reported by Adweek:

• Partnering with Guilt Groupe on an e-commerce site. “Get the Look: Red Carpet,” will feature items inspired by Oscar attire which will be gathered by People’s editors.
• Live-blogging the festivities on People.com
• Having editors do beer bongs with George Clooney*
• Updating Pinterest boards with red carpet fashion

*This might not be true