Vice, in an apparent desperation move to garner page views, has hired José Canseco as a new columnist. Canseco will write a weekly feature titled “José Can Say So,” which sort of rhymes with his name, so that’s nice.

In his first article, Canseco takes on the Aurora, Colorado tragedy. His brilliant idea to stop something like that from happening again? More guns:

I guarantee that if four or five or six people had guns on them in that theater, either that kid would never have gone in there, or he would have gotten blown away. That’s just the way it is. I think you have to send a message to the criminals: ‘No no no no no, you think you’ve got a gun? I’ve got a bigger gun. I’ve got two guns on you.’ It’s simple psychology, really.

Raise your hand if you think he got this idea from Crocodile Dundee.