It's never been a secret that Eggers fancies himself the super-hero of contemporary literature, rescuing children from illiteracy while hunting down snarky reviewers while mopping clean the Pacific Ocean's oil spills with nothing but his hair. And, like every super-hero, Eggers has created and protected a secret identity -- a secret identity that was secret until now.

Buried deep in an otherwise forgettable article about a Manic D. anthology, we learn that Dave Eggers is none other than

Oh. You already knew that? In 2000? Well, then, why the hell hasn't anybody stopped him?