Reading Instructions

“Are you a woman? Over 45? Having trouble finding fiction you can relate to?” There’s a pill for that, or, hold — check that — a publisher. You can’t tell which it is from the publisher’s name: Transita, a prescription-pill-appropriate obfuscation of a recognizable word (“transition”).

“Until Transita,” says founder and director, Nikki Read, “the majority of published fiction has centred around younger women’s lives and experience.” Readers may, however, experience a range of mild to moderate side effects, including plot indigestion, shortness of breadth, and sentence fatigue. Contact your doctor immediately if you ingest more than three Transitas in a 24 hour period. Book clubs can help regulate your usage. Transita is not intended for households with children under 10 years of age. Do not leave Transitas unattended near literary critics. Transita is not compatible with MAOIs, MFAs, PhDs, douching, or cocaine. Transita should not be used by those with ulcers, high blood pressure, or non-typical (“alternative”) lifestyles. Transita cannot be held responsible for blood clots formed in the legs, arms, or heart. Use responsibly, under the supervision of a licensed medical doctor.

Create a social media strategy, launch your campaign, and track the results in our Social Media Marketing Boot Camp starting February 16. The online event and workshop will feature speakers including The Onion‘s Baratunde Thurston (left), Facebook’s Morin Oluwole, and bitly’s Tim Devane. Register now.