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Zombies at the Writers’ Workshop

alangoldsher.jpgInspired by GalleyCat’s publishing prediction series, Alan Goldsher (author of the new book new book, “Paul is Undead: The British Zombie Invasion”) sent us his own predictions.

He writes: “All the publishing prediction lists we’ve seen lately are fine and good, but most are missing the big picture: zombies will take over the world before the end of next October. That being the case, here’s what’s REALLY going to be happening in the book world.”

Goldsher’s predictions: “1) As everybody knows, zombies love book readings, so the book tour will again become a viable entity.

2) The undead have only a rudimentary understanding of technology, so publishers will be forced to “brain down” their online presence.

3) Low-level editors and assistants at literary agencies will all be in great peril, as zombies have demonstrated a taste for unpolished manuscripts.

4) The undead takeover will begin (has begun?) in Hollywood, so celebrity books will go by the wayside.

5) The tragic Midwestern Zombie Uprising of 2018 will put an end to the Iowa Writers Workshop, so you can kiss precious debut literary fiction goodbye.

6) The government will pay good money to train zombie hunters, so as the decade progresses, more and more editors will leave the publishing industry for the greener pastures of the Undead Death Squads.

7) Young adult books will rule the bestseller charts, as most zombies have little interest in eating young adult brains, because they all taste like apathy and angst, and if you’re undead, seriously, who needs that kind of tsuris?

8) Malls will become zombie safe havens, so major book retailers will experience a drastic drop in sales, and a drastic increase in dismemberments.

9) For reasons that elude experts, Kindles cause zombie corneas to boil and explode, so ebooks will fail miserably.”

10) Paranormal mash-up books will survive and thrive as the new American Realism.

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