The best from the stilettoed literary agent from the last week:

Some don'ts: "First, of course some nitwit didn't include an SASE..he 'preferred' email. Yea, well I prefer a higher credit limit at Saks but it doesn't mean I get to buy those Chanel pumps now does it?

Second, don't start your cover letter with "Hi My Name is Chip and I'll be your Querier Tonight". I know your name and I know you're writing a query letter. The fact you don't realize you don't have to spell out every last detail bodes very very poorly for any kind of elegance in your writing." (more here).

"Dear Miss Snark,

I definitely want to hear your take on this one: an agent I found listed on Publishers Marketplace only accepts queries from unpublished writers IF they subscribe - for $29.95/half a year - to the agency's literary magazine." Her answer here.

"What skills would a literary agent most likely be looking for in an intern? What skills should I cultivate?"

"I signed with an agent over a year ago. She supposedly sent out my piece to 12 editors. I never got a sub schedule. Supposedly, she's never heard back from any of them. (It's been 9 months) I asked her for the sub sched recently and she's ignoring me. Generally, it's hard getting her to return my emails or calls. What's your take on this? How should I proceed?" (Hint: the title of this post is "Your agent sux."