From the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska…
If your AvantGuild membership is running out soon, some of you might be deciding whether or not to re-up. Although this should seem as a no-brainer, some may be still thinking about what an AvantGuild membership can do for them. You know the obvious reasons– AvantGuild is the perfect storm of professional and personal benefits that helps your career skyrocket to ridiculous levels. But most people don’t want to hear that kind of “salesy,” buzz word-laden pitch– they want to know how their AvantGuild benefits cut mustard in the real world. And what better way to do that than Letternman style…
From the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska, the top ten reasons to renew your AvantGuild membership:
10. Barnes&Noble.com Discount- Books aren’t just for keeping kitchen tables even and practicing high-heel balancing anymore.
9. Theater Discounts and Ticket Giveaways- There’s no greater expression than through the majesty of song(and dance).
8. Psychotherapy Discounts- It did wonders for Tony Soprano. And mother-in-laws generally suck.
7. Dental Plans- The last thing you need is a visit from the Colgate Cavity Patrol, or worse.
6. Free subscriptions to Wired & New York Magazines- Your bathroom copy of Guns & Ammo is getting pretty old.
5. Exclusive AvantGuild Parties- Learn about the latest trends in boa technology from CEO Laurel Touby.
4. More How to Pitch Articles: We’ve now got 100 monkeys working at 100 typewriters belting these things out. And everyone loves monkeys so…
3. Mastheads- With 300+ mastheads and thousands of names, it’s perfect fodder for that Anagram-themed kegger you’ve been planning.
2. New Health Insurance Plans- Lindsay Lohan and your car. Need I say more?
1. We all need jobs! And we love you! But seriously, we need jobs.
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