Publishing online, whether on a blog or an online magazine, can be a great experience. You reach wide readership, build up some nice clips for yourself and have that instant gratification.

However, you can also open yourself up to, well, everyone. If you write an article in the New York Times that somebody disagrees with, they have to submit a thoughtful, signed letter to the editor to express their opinion. However, if somebody doesn't like what you wrote online (and your email address is published), you're opening yourself up to anonymous haters who can tell you just what they think of you, fair or unfair. The internet obviously has some wonderful characteristics, but one of its bad points is that it opens up new avenues for rude people to be ruder, faster.

Developing thick skin is necessary for all writers (or so I tell myself every day as I cry into my beer.) I asked some of my online writer friends how they handle Dirk6969@aol.com who thinks you're a fat loser for your piece on why Fabian Basabe is culturally irrelevant:

Freelance writer Stephanie Kuenn likes to kill 'em with kindness. "I very rarely get upset about hate mail anymore. I think being a professional writer requires that you develop a very thick skin, and that's the best thing you can do in dealing with this. When I get a piece of cowardly hate mail (which is what I consider angry, nonsensical rants from people who don't leave their name), I always write a cheerful reply, and add a gentle mocking about what they said. Every time, I end my note with "Thanks for reading [Insert Publication Name here]!" I almost always get a much friendlier, kinder reply saying, "Wow, I'm really sorry, I was a total whack job. Here's what I didn't like about what you wrote."

"Rarely, I'll get a kook who sends back an insult. The last time it happened, someone religious nut sent me a bunch of rude meanderings for my quite chirpy, gentle reply to his original nasty note, and I replied: "Just what Jesus would do!" (I borrowed this retort from Richard Roeper.)"

Co-editor of Flak Magazine Jim Norton tries to get inside haters' heads: "I've been writing for the Web for the past seven years, so I'm no stranger to poorly worded, offensive, borderline obscene notes from various kinds of cranks.

"I try to sort them into two broad categories: People who had a genuine emotional response that they're overstating, and trolls.

"The latter are just baiting you -- they don't really engage the substance of your piece in any substantial way, they seem more interesting in coming up with clever/filthy put-downs than outraged at your writing, and they don't leave open the possibility for
dialogue. These notes I delete, or pass around to my friends for their enjoyment. I definitely don't respond -- that just provokes an ongoing argument with someone who clearly has nothing better to do. Time is on their side, even if wit is on yours.

"The former I actually send very mild, thoughtful replies to, seriously if briefly engaging the criticism of my work. About 90-95 percent of the time, I receive positive (or even apologetic) replies, and everyone feels better about the situation. The trick is to respond in a way that is neutral, or even gently self-flagellating -- it's hard to do when someone has just called you a "Cheney-loving stumpf*cker" or something similarly ad hominem, but remember - these people aren't thinking, they're flaming. Ignore the ad hominems, reply to the substance of the email, and you'll be surprised at how quickly they tend to come around. Most of the time, they sent their angry letters without really considering that a human being might reply. Embarrass them with your decency and calm.

"The other 5-10 percent of the time, you get a nasty reply to your nice response note, which you then either ignore, or gleefully squash by being catty and superior. Remember, you tried to be nice -- now you've earned the satisfaction of crushing them like a bug.
Remember, notes that are short, sweet and open for interpretation always bug people more than letters that are long and specific. Don't let 'em see you sweat, even if you're furious."

Jenny Miller humiliates the humiliators: "I usually post hate mail, including the emailer's address. Subjecting the critic to public ridicule, getting the last word -- I'm petty that way. I also don't use a feedback function on my posts. That's just asking for anonymous vitriol. Obviously, I don't take criticism well, and can never just suck it up. One jerk can ruin your whole day."

Leonard Pierce also shows up his detractors, but doesn't like it when they misunderstand him. "Personally, I love getting crazy hate mail. I even post particularly hilarious examples of it on my website. It does bother me when someone really misinterprets what I've written -- that is, if they take a satirical piece which ironically attacks racism and take it to mean that I'm a racist (which has actually happened to me before). Then I jut write back and politely suggest they might benefit from a closer reading of the piece, with an eye towards ironic content."

Lindsay Robertson relies on her friends: "Usually, I deal with it by forwarding it to a few friends. This always seems to help because they come back making fun of spelling, grammar, factual and logic errors, of which there are always a ton. I never write back to the person, unless I feel their complaint has some validity - for example, I forwarded one piece of hate mail to Randy Cohen of the New York Times column "The Ethicist" and asked him who he thought was right (I had linked to an anti drug video made by mentally handicapped adults). He said I was wrong to link to it, but I still disagree."

Meanwhile, Eve Adams likes a fight: "I used to get something similar from the more extended posts I'd make on my journal.

"If they're trolls, you deal with them likewise (either by trolling back, which automatically makes the exchange a Flame War, which has its place but gets tiresome after a while). If they have an actual point but aren't making it in the most "constructive" way, then you stay cool and address whatever point you can salvage from the "U R TEH BICTH" train wreck.

"Example: I ran across and linked some girl's site, on which she wrote horrible "poems" about why she was pro-life. I cut her and them down pretty harshly, but I hadn't expected her to follow my referral back and see what I'd said. When she did, she rallied all her online chums to come look at my post and yell at me. Some of them just went off ("You're a stupid c*nt who just likes ripping on cool girls" etc., blah) and some of them actually spoke to what I'd said.

"To those who went off I responded with imaginative invective regarding their mothers' sexual diversions with barnyard animals. With the others a real dialogue ensued about the poems, the sites, abortion rights, free speech, etc., and it was pretty cool."

And Wendy McClure laughs it off: "The way I try to see it is that the person is just opening him or herself up for ridicule. Because if a person is getting so frothed up to write me a long, hateful email? That's FUNNY. Or I try to see it that way. Sometimes I'll use clues from the email itself in order to imagine the person writing the email. One guy I heard from wrote nasty multiple emails over the course of two days, and each one had a 5 am time stamp, and I thought, "Who the hell gets up at the crack of dawn just to tell a stranger that she's fat?" Which led to me thinking up a whole scenario about his pathetic life.

"Try to think of your antagonist getting worked up into a muttering frenzy while he or she is, say, caught in traffic, or on the StairMaster, or tossing and turning in bed late at night, or angrily eating soup, or showering, all the while clenching his/her teeth and hissing "That.... damn... (your name)!!!"

Life is usually too short to bother with writing people like this back, but doing so and addressing them bemusedly, as if talking to a small child, can be very funny. Or so I've heard."

And Bob Cook also looks at the bright side: "Normally, if someone is real asshat, I might make one quick pithy comment, if I'm feeling up to it, but I'll normally just send a note back saying "Thanks for reading!" I figure that nothing annoys a troll more than someone not taking the bait. Plus, I am really glad someone feels that strongly about what I write. It's better than apathy."

What do I do, meanwhile? I usually do kill somebody with kindness, if that's possible. I also delete the email from my garbage box and from my sent box so I don't have to think about it ever again. And then, if I remember to, I get up, away from the computer, so I don't have to worry about one invisible person out there who didn't like something I spent 10 minutes writing, and go do something real-life.