I love Miss Snark, and so should you. A literary agent in New York, she doles out free no-nonsense advice to writers and aspiring writers alike. Don't fear her wrath: consider it a gift. It might hurt, but it's the good kind of hurt that saves you time and money. I do not know her actual identity, but that's fine because I just like to think of her as a benevolent online angel that occasionally kicks your butt.

Based on the queries and questions you receive, what's one thing that authors seem to stress out over that you wish you could tell them to stop worrying about so much?
Format. Yes, you have to observe the industry standards but no agent in their right mind is going to discard something well written if it's in Verdana font instead of Courier. I've read material from people who spelled my name wrong, from people who think I'm a man. I'm interested in how well you write.

On the flip side: What aren't authors paying enough attention to when they query agents?
They don't seem to have much perspective about the industry. Not industry gossip, but books, and particularly the concept of front list. Queriers will tell me their work is reminiscent of an author who was last published 20 years ago, and that's not a selling point with me.

And they aren't paying attention to their writing. Much of the writing I see isn't very good. Most of it isn't publishable. People don't look at published books with a close analytical eye to see what works and what doesn't.

And most people can't write decent query letters.

Is there a fine line between authors being polite/professional and being especially vocal with one's work, or are most relationships between agents and authors agreeable and a few bad agents and a few high-maintenance diva authors give everyone else a bad rep?
I'm aghast at some of the stories I hear from people emailing the blog. I'm not sure when some agents started believing their own press about "busy" and "important" but there's not that fine a line between boorish and businesslike behavior. Not responding to requests for information from actual clients? Not following up on prospective sales leads? I thought this stuff was once in a while, but I see a LOT of it. And this blog is just a tiny microcosm in the backwater of publishing; it's not a scientific study at all.

I don't see diva authors; they don't tend to read the blog I guess, and I sure as heck don't represent them. I do see people who are terrified of agents and think of them as quasi-deities. That kind of objectification is bad for everyone. If there's one thing I'd like to communicate to prospective clients it's that compared to the parent of a two year old, or a short order cook, or an ER intake nurse, agents aren't busy at all. We have a lot of things to do, and a lot of details to manage, but no one dies, and no one goes hungry if subsidiary rights don't get done till Monday.

What are some very basic ways authors can tell if they're dealing with quality, legit agents versus scammers (or weak agents who just blow a lot of smoke up their client's you know what's)
Money. No reputable agent asks for money up front. Some of my colleagues charge clients for expenses when incurred (rather than after the sale of the work as they should) but no one should have to send a check to an agent before their work has gone out on submission. I don't think any agent should charge money before the sale of the work, but some reputable folks do.

Sales. Reputable agents tell you what they've sold and to whom. Nothing takes the place of this. Anyone who can't tell you this is to be avoided. New agents will say they are new, and that's ok. What to avoid is "my client list is confidential" "we only reveal that to people who've signed with us" or any other variation of "no".

If you were to put together your perfect client, what elements would you include (other than having a wildly successful book and the same genetic makeup as George Clooney)?
Someone who can have two wildly successful books