Posted on Thu, Jan. 04, 2007
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Holiday Blessing
As a new foster parent, I had the best Christmas ever because there was a child with me to open presents. You, too, can touch a life.
By Kathryn Quigley
This Christmas brought me chocolate, gift certificates, and a slew of holiday newsletters from friends near and far.
I learned a few things this holiday season, such as: Don't eat all the chocolate in one sitting, even if it is the delicious Moose Munch Crunch.
The holiday newsletters got me thinking as well, primarily because I am now a foster parent and have no time to mail out a newsletter. I am too busy chasing a child, feeding the child, and eating the Christmas chocolate.
However, since I am a freelance writer, let me save on postage and write my New Year's newsletter in this space.
Here goes:
Dear friends and family, near and far!
Let me take this opportunity to thank you, en masse, for your Christmas newsletters and comment on the contents therein.
A few of you included some rather odd tidbits of your lives that I, personally, would not share. But hey, it is your newsletter.
So, I am sorry to hear that:
Your child is still not potty trained.
Your husband still can't find a job.
It rained on all your vacations.
A hawk ate your cat.
Some of you had very good fortune this year and bought new houses, fancy cars, or took European vacations.
My big news is that I became a licensed foster parent for the state of New Jersey.
My Christmas was the best ever because there was a child with me to open presents on Christmas morning.
Since I am writing this in the newspaper and not in a letter, privacy laws prohibit me from telling you the details about my foster child. Many of you have already met this child and know that the child has brought lots of love and laughter and Hokey Pokey Elmo into my life.
I am asking you, on behalf of the thousands of foster children in New Jersey, to think about becoming a foster parent like me.
Maybe you can help one of these kids in need. It is not as hard as you might think. The state didn't care that I am single, work full-time, rent my home instead of own it and work as a teacher, so I don't make a lot of money.
They cared that I have a good heart, a clean criminal record and the determination to do this. The child's day care is paid for. I get a stipend every month to pay for food and clothes.
If the child ever becomes available for adoption, becoming the child's legal mom will cost me nothing. Compare that to the $20,000 to $30,000 it costs for a foreign adoption.
I am not going to lie to you: It isn't easy.
Being a foster parent can be frustrating, heartbreaking and irritating. Things change all the time. In fact, the state's child welfare agency is now called the Department of Children and Families. DCF instead of DYFS.
My foster child has had three social workers in seven months.
The uncertainty of the child's future with me often makes me anxious and upset. Sometimes I don't know who cries more - I or my foster child.
The constant scrutiny from social workers of my life and parenting skills can be exasperating. It isn't a Friday unless some social worker is here inspecting my refrigerator, flushing my toilet, checking my locks, and taking copious notes.
When I tell people I am a foster parent in New Jersey, their most common response is how "the system is so messed up." Yeah it is. But who do you think is supposed to fix it? Us.
So think about becoming a foster parent. It might even take your mind off your ruined vacation, your diaper-wearing son, and your husband's unemployment. Probably not the hawk. That is just sad.
But here is your chance to make a child happy.
For information about becoming a foster parent in New Jersey, call 1-877-NJFOSTER or 1-800-NJ-ADOPT, or go to these Web sites: www.njfostercare.org or www.njadopt.org.

Kathryn Quigley is an assistant professor of journalism at Rowan University in Glassboro.