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‘Mellow’ Marley Drink Leads to Middle School ‘Zombiefest’

Marley's Mellow Mood Drink It’s not just energy drinks, guys: A group of New Jersey schoolchildren started feeling a little too chill after consuming a few cans of Marley’s Mellow Mood, a beverage whose promoters call it “the anti-energy drink”. And where did they find this illicit substance with its “soothing style, natural ingredients and great taste”? In their middle school cafeteria, of course!

The blame for this completely unforgivable crime against humanity alternately rests with the company that stocks the cafeteria, the individuals who agreed to include the product on the school cafeteria list, and the students who decided to drink several cans of the “100% natural relaxation beverage” before reporting to the school nurse with symptoms of “nausea, headaches, light-headiness, and a feeling of lethargy.” One kid went so far as to call it “a zombiefest.”

All this from a lightly carbonated grape soda with the same ingredients as Celestial Seasonings’ SleepyTime tea? Hmm…

Parents are understandably outraged at the school for selling a drink whose label reads “…may cause drowsiness. Best enjoyed when you are ready to relax.  Do not mix with alcohol.  Not intended for children”, but we’re more interested in this product’s unique pitch. We’ve never come across a soda that claims to “reduce stress and relieve tension, while calming the soul and easing the mind”, and we have to say we’re shocked to learn that Marley’s Mellow Mood contains valerian root, lemon balm, passion flower, hops and chamomile–but no THC.

Now we feel like taking a nap, so we guess we’d have to call the promo campaign successful…

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