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Oh Canada! Former Defense Minister Blames Aliens for Slow Wi-Fi

Paul-Hellyer

Dude kinda looks like E.T. Maybe they are cousins?!

I knew E.T. was nothing more than a Reese’s Pieces-eating pain in the alien butt. You see what aliens are to blame for now? Slow Wi-Fi, that is according former Canadian Defense Minister Paul Hellyer. 

If you have 26 minutes to burn on your lunch, be prepared to laugh out loud at what has to be one of the most unbelievable interviews in the history of from whatever universe this fool hails. He is certain that aliens live among us, and have for quite some time.

“They have rules (and) one of the rules is that they don’t interfere with our affairs unless there are invited to – and that’s one of the reasons, probably, that we haven’t seen more of them until very recently,” Hellyer said.

Oh, there’s more…

Below is an interview Hellyer gave on ratings juggernaut “Russia Today.”

Hellyer said up to 80 different species regularly visit earth, from the “short grays” seen in cartoons and illustrations to species called “Nordic blondes” and “tall whites” who could almost pass as humans. Incidentally, the “tall whites” are working with the U.S. Air Force. Because flying high, I guess.

Other nuggets of greatness from the flag bearer of kookoo?

“Our future as a species, and here I mean all of the species in the world, is potentially at risk if we don’t figure what’s going on and work together to try and make life more amenable for all of us, and to work with our neighbors from other planets as well.”

“They don’t think we are good stewards of our planet,” he added. “We’re clear cutting our forests, we’re polluting our rivers and our lakes, and we’re dumping sewage in the oceans. They don’t like that and they made it very clear.”

And, then he sends the extraterrestrial forces on God.

“The Star of Bethlehem is one of God’s flying saucers.”

Now, while I look where to give up my Canadian citizenship (I have both, folks, for those scoring at home), you can watch the video below. Enjoy.

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