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STUDY: Spanx Could Be Squeezing the Money out of Your Organs

spanx-funnyDear Spanx, Your product is killing women’s ability to reproduce. Love, ‘Merica Pissed-off Females. 

Doesn’t sound like a grand marketing campaign, but thanks to some folks with a Ph.D. and waaaay too much time on their hands, we have this interview from HuffPo who interviewed three gastroentrologists about that very unfortunate slogan.

Bad celebrity endorsement too.

SPOILER ALERT: This randy kind of shapewear prevent you from having a healthy bowel movement, digesting a steak or being able to other things with your body that is so disgusting, we dare not discuss it in this highly educated forum.

Shapewear couldn’t do its job if it wasn’t tight. Unfortunately, this leaves your stomach, intestine and colon compressed, which Dr. Kuemmerle says can worsen acid reflux and heartburn. Restrictive clothing can also provoke erosive esophagitis.

Your digestive tract is also affected, explains Dr. Erickson. The intestines are supposed to contract and move food along, but when they’re compressed over a long period of time, the flow of digestion is stifled. “It’s like when people eat a huge meal and then unbuckle their jeans,” Dr. Kuemmerle says. This damage, though not permanent, can lead to unpleasant symptoms like abdominal discomfort, bloating and gas.

Another hallmark of shapewear? Shallow breath. When you inhale, your diaphragm expands and your abdomen flares out, Dr. Erickson says, but shapewear restricts this movement and decreases the excursion in respiration.

So, you can eat a large meal but can’t unbuckle and heretofore, internally combust due to whatever is happening in your compressed organs. Oh, but wait vain ladies and rotund fellas, there’s so much more:

Sitting in shapewear can lead to a reversible condition called meralgia paresthetica, which is when the peripheral nerve in your thigh is compressed. This leads to tingling, numbness and pain in your legs, all of which can come and go or become constant. “It’s like putting these giant rubber bands around your upper thighs and tightening them when you sit,” Dr. Erickson says. (She’s also seen this condition in those who wear too-tight pantyhose and pants.)

There’s so much harrowing material in this interview but why ruin the reading fun? Basically, one of the doctors said, “if it’s not cutting anywhere” the shapewear is fitting properly. Ringing endorsements – 1, #PRFail – 0, surely.

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