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Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’

Starbucks Joins the Black Friday Black Eye to the Holidays

Kinda says it all to me after this holiday buzzkill news

Kinda says it all to me after this holiday buzzkill news

Sure, there’s a Starbucks on every corner. If you don’t believe me, listen to the great Lewis Black explain it.

Now, I understand Starbucks thinks it is a retail giant, but it’s not. Admit it, O’ siren of the coffee bean. You sell addiction in a nicely tight package of prepubescent angst.

Your smarmy baristas may be happy to provide some fattening lemon, pumpkin or other fru-fru bread, but you are placed on every street corner in the known world to sell coffee.

Your PR is for coffee. Your products are known as coffee. Your bottom line is laced in it.

So, far be it from me — who just loves all this Thanksgiving Thursday / Black Friday hurry-hurry-sell-till-you-puke-mess — to allow a moment like this to go by without a comment of snark. But Santa has decided that Starbucks would be better served as a big box retail store than a depot for hipsters ogling over each other’s skinny jeans and graphic tees.

According to the ConsumeristStarbucks’ Black Friday deal is $65 for a stainless steel tumbler that comes with an entire month’s worth of free espresso-based beverages.

Well, dip me in a caramel macchiato and call me java mama. I hope this comes with an appointment to an internist because your damn liver and kidneys may have something for you by New Years.

STUDY: People Aren’t Getting Self-Handsy During the Holidays

Jerking off all time lowYesterday, we brought you a story about PS4 and its latest “partner” in providing kids an ultimate gaming experience. And as filthy as I felt writing that thing, would you believe I found more?

Although I had to filter for images and stories with extreme heedfulness, would you believe the people that brought you free videos of BBWs doing the Harlem Shake on an actual Globetrotter have a real study out?!

Get this: According to the Pornhub “study,” no one is stuffing their turkey, yanking their mistletoe or putting a cornucopia on their Yuletide log during the holidays, if you know what I mean.

Hey, this is real news, flacks. I just report it!

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FOLLOW-UP: Not-so-fast on Hallmark’s GLAAD Card and ‘Fun’ Sweater

cat deck the halls

This would have been better.

Yesterday, I used a stepladder to get my hamhocks poised upon my soapbox so everyone could hear me wail about Hallmark’s decision to destroy Christmas folklore in the scope of being politically correct.

Evidently, I wasn’t the only one who thought “Deck the Halls” shouldn’t be jacked with as social media blew up and Hallmark caught the back hand of a collective slap to its wallet, according to The Consumerist. The writer shares Facebook commentators got all over the card shop’s page with these vitriolic posts:

Shame on you Hallmark. Better start figuring out what you’re going to do with all of those GAY sweaters when they don’t sell.

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Hallmark Shows Off Its GLAAD Card, Revises ‘Deck the Halls’

HALLMARK-HOLIDAY-SWEATER-ORNAMENTWhelp, it’s a Christmas story…in October…before Halloween. Sigh.

And as opposed as I am to discussing the most wonderful time of the year before the time of the year has arrived, this story from HuffPo just didn’t light my Yuletide log in a blaze of glory.

So, before I rant, look at the “fun” picture. Notice anything? Hearing the melody of “Deck the Halls” racing in your mind? Yeah, so much for that tradition as the lovely people at Hallmark has decided to take folklore into its hands and change the lyrics of the song.

Why? You guessed it. Because of a word that had nothing to do with the world in which we live in 2013.

More about that word after the jump:

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The Pimping of All the Holidays is Right On ‘Target’

Let's just go from September to December on the calendar.

Let’s just go from September to December on the calendar.

Ah, yes. The sounds of the radio are changing. The people are beginning to wear more festive clothing. The decor in the stores are getting blinged out. Sales are showing.

And it’s not even Halloween yet, you nimrods! 

Brands in retail just can’t wait for the jolly fat man to get here, so they ostensibly ignore the Great Pumpkin and forget the Plump Turkey to make way.

Yes, it’s all for profit but these giant profiteers of Black Friday and Cyber Monday are becoming Ebenezers for their foreshadowing ways. Personally, my children enjoy both Halloween and Thanksgiving before the stockings go up.

And why? Because I don’t want to end up like Target did last year. (That, and I have a skosh of class.)

According to Jeff Jones, CMO at Target, the retailer “went too soon last year” when its Christmas shopping campaign began in mid-October, he told AdAge. This season, Mr. Jones said Target won’t launch its anthem holiday ad until the first week of November. To wit, I say, “It’s about time and thank you!

Early ads [featuring #MyKindOfHoliday] will also focus on Thanksgiving to a degree the retailer has not in the past. One TV spot shows a group of friends gathering around a turkey dinner, while another will promote the price per pound of turkey — a first for the retailer. Hell, it’s a first for any money-grubbing, bah-humbug, turkeys-are-only-good-for-stuffing-my-pockets retailer.

“We have never said Thanksgiving has a place at Target. It’s a big event, and we think we have a great value proposition when you think about being a one-stop shop [for] food, home and decorating,” Mr. Jones explained.

Makes sense to me. And by highlighting that pesky holiday in-between All Hallows Eve and Show Us the Money, it will make “cents” to Target. Mazel Tov, you know, as a certain Jewish carpenter might say.

Study: Nearly Half of Marketers Will Launch Holiday Campaigns Before Halloween. Ugh.

cnn_stuff_081As a true New England girl, I love all things Autumn with an almost maniacal passion — the leaves, the hot cider, the apple picking, the pumpkin carving, and, most especially, Halloween. But over the course of my lifetime, I’ve noticed (as we all have) the ever-encroaching holiday shopping season infiltrating my sacred season of costumes and pumpkin pie — it happens earlier every year. Once upon a time, people complained about Christmas trees in the malls before Thanksgiving, but now we run the risk of bumping into Santa Clause while shopping for Trick-or-Treat candy. Creepy (in more than one sense).

If you, too, are frustrated by the creep of the holiday shopping season, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you that this is a trend that shows no sign of retreating. A new study done by Experian Marketing Services, which surveyed more than 200 marketers about their cross-channel marketing plans for the holiday season, found that 50 percent of all marketers plan to launch their holiday campaigns before Halloween.

“Retailers have been extending the shopping seasons with promotions, post-recession, so it’s not surprising to see that nearly half of all marketers stated they would launch a holiday campaign before Halloween,” said Bill Tancer, general manager of global research of Experian Marketing Services, in a news release. Read more

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