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Posts Tagged ‘Death Star’

White House Posts Epic Response to Death Star Petition

We recently told you that a petition urging the US government to build its very own “fully operational” Death Star garnered enough signatures to require a response from the White House.

Well, ladies and gentlemen (and wookies and Ewoks), this weekend brought us the official response, and while the Obama administration has decided (unsurprisingly but disappointingly) to deny the American people our very own Death Star, it has demonstrated both a sense of humor and an admirable level of geekiness in its response.

Some of the reasons the White House will not be building a Death Star are pretty predictable (the fact that it would cost roughly $850,000,000,000,000,000 and would therefore not help the deficit, and that the administration does not support blowing up other planets, blah blah). But even the most dedicated Star Wars fans couldn’t argue some of the other justifications. As chief science guy Paul Shawcross writes, “why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship”? Touche, sir.

The administration also urges us not to be too disappointed, because even though “we don’t have a Death Star…we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke’s arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers”. Fair enough, we suppose.

Click through for the response in full. Its title alone assured us that we weren’t about to read an average cookie-cutter form letter, but one that might actually be worthy of its impassioned, Force-filled audience:

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Petition Orders the White House to Build a Death Star

Today in Duh, This Is Totally the Solution to the Financial Crisis News, a petition demanding that the US begin construction on its very own genuine, “fully operational” Death Star has garnered the 25,000 signatures needed to warrant an official response from the White House. The petition reads:

“Those who sign here petition the United States government to secure funding and resources, and begin construction on a Death Star by 2016. By focusing our defense resources into a space-superiority platform and weapon system such as a Death Star, the government can spur job creation in the fields of construction, engineering, space exploration, and more, and strengthen our national defense.”

Job creation, national defense, the revival of space exploration and undeniable awesomeness? Sounds like good political PR all around. In fact, as long as the work isn’t outsourced to Ewoks or droids, we can’t really see a downside. The White House has a few years to respond to the petition, but perhaps the powers that be will be so moved by the dedication of geeks everywhere that they’ll drop what they’re doing (i.e. arguing ceaselessly about the fiscal cliff) and sign a Death Star bill into law ASAP. Hey, it could happen.

No? We find your lack of faith disturbing.

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