It’s tough being Michael Phelps. Despite the fame, the fortune and all that precious metal around your neck, you just can’t do the sorts of things that normal dudes in their mid-20’s do in this country every day: visit strip clubs, take bong hits at frat parties and star in weird, not-quite sexy ads for Louis Vuitton, famed French maker of very ugly, very expensive tote bags.

The alleged offense in this latest, mildest Phelps controversy concerns the act of making money before mommy Olympia says its OK. Olympics participants are legally forbidden from appearing in ads or other promotional events with any non-Olympic entities during a one-month period from July 18 to August 15. The punishment for related violations is somewhat severe: offending athletes may be required to relinquish their medals altogether. The games would almost definitely turn into an advertising orgy if this restriction weren’t in place, but how does it apply to Phelps?

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We’re calling it: Corn Flakes spots are only the start for Gabby Douglas, Aly Reisman and the rest of the “Fierce Five.”

Now that the torch has been extinguished, the medals have been awarded and fans have received serenades from John Lennon, Freddie Mercury and—for some reason—George Michael, one big question remains: Which athletes really cleaned up at the 2012 Games? Beyond the obvious winners (Gabby Douglas, Ryan Lochte and all-time champ Michael Phelps), who will come out on top of the Olympics endorsements game?

First place is a lock: This week’s all-out media blitz by the gymnastics team will include appearances on The Tonight Show, The TODAY Show, Good Morning America, The Colbert Report…you get the idea. The always-prescient New York Post predicts “hundreds” of endorsement offers for Douglas alone.

But how fares the rest of the US squad? Read more

The Washington Post: London Olympic Games Close with Music and Global Applause

Advertising Age: GOP VEEP Pick Paul Ryan Has Advertising Know How

World News: Brazil Prepares for 2016 Olympics and Global Scrutiny

The Los Angeles Times: Barnes & Noble Lowers Price for Nook Tablets

Chicago Tribune: Google to Cut 4,000 Jobs at Motorola Mobility

Take a moment this morning to imagine that you’re Ryan Lochte: You’ve just won two gold medals, two silvers and a bronze. You’ve appeared on the covers of Vogue, Time, and Men’s Journal. Most importantly, you’ve managed to defeat your arch nemesis and teammate Michael Phelps to reign atop the ranks of chlorine-tinged supermen for one brief, shining moment.

Now that you’ve made your mark on the world of sport, earned your 15 minutes as an international “brand” and made your requisite appearance in the British tabloids, the time has come for you to answer the question that vexes a nation:

“The Bachelor” or “Dancing with the Stars?”

How about both? The world of reality TV is calling, and this morning good sir Lochte told Matt Lauer that he is “looking towards” it. After scoring endorsement deals with Gillette, Speedo, Gatorade and Ralph Lauren, the 6’2″ fish has let the world know that he’s ready to leave the water — or at least to trade the Olympic pool for the Pacific Ocean.

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With not too much uproar over the depressing lyrics, the London Tourist Board is using the Clash’s punk classic “London Calling” to lure visitors to the 2012 Olympic games.  The title track from the 1979 album was influenced by the Three Mile Island nuclear meltdown earlier that year.

What’s more important when brands and organizations attempt to evoke an emotional response with music, melody or lyrics?

“London Calling” actually seems fitting since the struggles covered in the band’s incredible 20-song narrative are with us today. Except, nuclear meltdowns are big in Japan.

Our text-heavy, PR-messaging-mindset had us initially confused in the same way as when Royal Caribbean thumped cruise vacations with Iggy Pop’s “Lust for Life” (liquor and drugs!), when Subaru hawked station wagons to hockey moms with The Pogues “If I Should Fall from Grace with God,” or when AT&T used Lou Reed’s “Perfect Day” during the last winter Olympics.  The latter, for anyone who saw the gut wrenching movie Trainspotting, invokes a pukey, ominous feeling–don’t jump into space snowboard girl, you’re on heroin!

(See after the jump for embedded videos of the ads.)

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