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Posts Tagged ‘Petition’

PETITION: Putin, Take Our Alaska, Please.

Alaska-secede-back-to-Russia

Hey kids. U.S. History could get all jacked up!

Have you ever been on an Alaskan cruise? The vistas alone are worth the price of admission. Add to that the weather, the memories, and the food, and you have a marvelous getaway that you will remember forever. At least I did.

Yet, while reflecting upon my journeys of yesteryear, I read this straight from WhiteHouse.gov:

Groups Siberian russians crossed the Isthmus (now the Bering Strait) 16-10 thousand years ago. Russian began to settle on the Arctic coast, Aleuts inhabited the Aleutian Archipelago.

First visited Alaska August 21, 1732, members of the team boat “St. Gabriel »under the surveyor Gvozdev and assistant navigator I. Fedorov during the expedition Shestakov and DI Pavlutski 1729-1735 years

Vote for secession of Alaska from the United States and joining Russia.

Oh, it’s real. Find out how just how real after the jump…

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You Thought California Was Bad? Imagine Six of Them.

six california

Welcome to the Golden States?! 

The idea to slice and dice California is not a fleeting one. Instead, it’s more like the fart in the elevator — you know it stinks but you can’t detect the source. That’s this, except now, we have a face to the fart eh, idea.

Meet Tim Draper

He’s a Silicon Valley venture capitalist who invested in a few mediocre start-ups like Hotmail and Skype. So, if you need to bum a few bucks, he’s your huckleberry. While the idea to create six separate states out of California sounds asinine, to those living in the state, it may be an epiphany and a solution.

Here’s how…

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THIS JUST IN: White House Forced to Consider Deporting Justin Bieber

THIS JUST IN 2To President Obama’s credit, he had a forum established for the minions of this country to have a voice.

Granted, it comes with a few catches but at least the door to get someone to hear you — someone that may actually matter (no real promise there) — is open for those motivated enough to make something happen.

How?

Visit We the People on the White House website. Yes, it’s official but it requires a petition. And here’s the catch:

Remember you have just 30 days to get 100,000 signatures in order to get a response from the White House.

Whelp, that official proclamation now has 10-year-old girls freaking the #$%& out right about now because Justin Bieber may find Uncle Sam’s red, white and blue boot in his beliebing Canadian behind.

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School Named After KKK Leader Gets Expelled … Finally

ForrestHighSchool

And yes, the school’s theme song was “Rebel Yell.” Classy.

In case you haven’t noticed your calendar in the last, say … century … it’s 2013.

A year known to many as high-tech and carefree, love for all mankind, accepting of just about anything. Back a couple of years ago, say … 153 of them … people were different. You see, there were these backward-ass country bumpkins who thought certain folk should be subservient to others based on how they looked.

It’s a long story but I’ll paraphrase: These inbred hicks revolted and caused a big stink. Many other more civil-thinking people fought for an end of this depraved mentality, and then this guy named Abe who sported this righteous beard told those innocent people to go find their own home. Something about a proclamation or some such. (See there, PBS? And you didn’t want to hire me to do voice-over work.)

So, why discuss the difference in years? Here’s whyRead more

Kraft Plans to Turn Down Its Orange Glow in 2014

5lb-bag-of-kraft-cheese-powderIf you have children of most ages, you have certainly ripped open a box of processed, delectable Kraft Mac N’ Cheese. The kids clamor for it, and be honest, you enjoy making it in 10 minutes or less on a school night.

However, if you have carefully investigated what you are cooking, you may have noticed that balmy, nuclear orange glow that slightly resembles Speaker John Boehner (or one of Willy Wonka’s Oompa-Loompas) on a bright summer day. How can that mess be edible with that enriched food coloring from the planet Angina?

To wit, AP is reporting Kraft will remove artificial (and nearly retina-tearing) coloring from three of its products in 2014.

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White House Posts Epic Response to Death Star Petition

We recently told you that a petition urging the US government to build its very own “fully operational” Death Star garnered enough signatures to require a response from the White House.

Well, ladies and gentlemen (and wookies and Ewoks), this weekend brought us the official response, and while the Obama administration has decided (unsurprisingly but disappointingly) to deny the American people our very own Death Star, it has demonstrated both a sense of humor and an admirable level of geekiness in its response.

Some of the reasons the White House will not be building a Death Star are pretty predictable (the fact that it would cost roughly $850,000,000,000,000,000 and would therefore not help the deficit, and that the administration does not support blowing up other planets, blah blah). But even the most dedicated Star Wars fans couldn’t argue some of the other justifications. As chief science guy Paul Shawcross writes, “why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship”? Touche, sir.

The administration also urges us not to be too disappointed, because even though “we don’t have a Death Star…we do have floating robot assistants on the Space Station, a President who knows his way around a light saber and advanced (marshmallow) cannon, and the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency, which is supporting research on building Luke’s arm, floating droids, and quadruped walkers”. Fair enough, we suppose.

Click through for the response in full. Its title alone assured us that we weren’t about to read an average cookie-cutter form letter, but one that might actually be worthy of its impassioned, Force-filled audience:

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