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Posts Tagged ‘worst person in the world’

The NYPD Has a Cannibalism Problem

In a story too sensational to ignore, a member of New York’s Finest has been arrested and charged with making “Law & Order”-worthy plans to kidnap, kill, cook and eat as many as 100 women.

Let that one sink in for a minute—and note that the phrase “bath salts” does not appear anywhere in this story.

The accused, who used his status as a police officer to compile photos and addresses of potential victims, wrote a series of incredibly disturbing emails to an undercover operator. A couple of his more outrageous comments:

  • “[My oven] is big enough to fit one of these girls if I folded their legs”
  • “I was thinking of tying her body onto some kind of apparatus&cook her over a low heat, keep her alive as long as possible.”

Yikes. He even offered to kidnap a woman on behalf of an undercover agent, writing: “$5,000 and she’s all yours… she will be stuffed into a large piece of luggage and wheeled out to my van.”

Since the (obvious) nut job in question never actually put his diabolical plans into action, everyone should feel free to make as many lame jokes as possible.

We respect police officers for keeping the peace and all, but we have to wonder why this weirdo didn’t set off any warning bells some time ago. The story also gives the public another reason to question the department’s notoriously lax recruiting standards. It’s a tough job, but some murderous wannabe cannibal’s gotta do it.

How does one even perform damage control after a story like this? Chief Ray Kelly had better get ready to plan a whole lot of press conferences.

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TV Responds to Trump’s Latest BS

Had enough Trump for a lifetime or two? Too bad! This morning our colleagues at TVNewser posted an amusing roundup of the TV networks’ varied responses to his moronic “offer” to donate money to the President’s charity of choice as long as Obama releases his school and passport records “To Mr. Trump’s satisfaction” (love that qualifier).

First Trump went on CNN’s Piers Morgan Tonight and Fox News Channel’s On the Record with Greta Van Susteren to insist that his stupid PR stunt was, in fact, anything but. Most revealing line in the Morgan interview? While he would “very much like to write” the check, Trump also notes that he is “…not looking to pay five million dollars!” It’s almost like he never even planned on doing such a thing…

Van Susteren spoke to Trump by phone and pressed him on his continuing obsession with the possibly even more idiotic “birther” movement. His response? “I’m really surprised by you, you don’t know anything”. Eyes: consider yourselves rolled.

Other responses: Sean Hannity thought Trump’s scheme was a great idea while MSNBC’s Ed Schultz wasted a few minutes of his valuable time speaking out against it. We’ve never been less surprised.

Stick with us, though: it does get better.

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How Not to Do PR, by Donald Trump and Gloria Allred

Today in We Feel Dumber for Having Read This News: The Man with the Tan has, once again, offered a crash course in how to get attention while contributing absolutely nothing of value to society.

And he’s joined today in infamy (thank God) by his female equivalent, Gloria Allred. Do they realize that almost everyone is laughing at them? We don’t think they do! It’s hard to believe!

The Donald has finally released his anti-Obama “bombshell”, and it is—get ready–a press release stating that the world’s most famous hairpiece model will donate $5 million to the President’s charity of choice as soon as he releases (dum dum dum)…his college transcripts.

Well, that was a big letdown, wasn’t it? It’s not a “reveal” in any sense of the word. And of course we’ve seen the dude pull this kind of crap before. A serious question for all the RealTrump/World Net Daily fans who read our blog (we know you’re legion): what, exactly, might Obama be squirreling away in these mysterious transcripts? Did he get a C in Philosophy 2? Did he once take a course called “Fascist Dictatorships 101”? Was he a proud, card carrying member of Harvard’s famous Gay Muslim Communist Club? Anyone?

Lest we stick to the very lowest hanging fruit, here’s Allred’s equally earth-shattering “October surprise”: Mitt Romney once testified in the divorce hearings of friend, business partner and Staples CEO Tom Stemberg, telling officials that he was actually a pretty good dad. Yeah, that’s it.

Shocking! Appalling! Petty! Completely meaningless! Pardon us while we editorialize a bit, but we can say with confidence that only one word accurately describes these shameless publicity whores: pathetic.

(We already feel icky for giving them more attention. Our apologies for putting you through this.)

Sandusky Sentenced, Proclaims Innocence and Blames Victims

We almost hate to give more blogspace to convicted child molester Jerry Sandusky. But he’s about to be sentenced, and he’s used his last “public relations” opportunity to proclaim his innocence in what can only be called a wild-eyed conspiracy theory rant recorded in prison by his lawyer and later aired on Penn State radio.

Why did Sandusky’s lawyer (who now claims that his client was denied due process during a “rush to trial”) choose to record this statement? In it, the offender accuses “the media”, Penn State officials, and the local police of conspiring to destroy him. Yet, he says:

“…they can make me out as a monster, they can treat me as a monster, but they can’t take away my heart. In my heart, I know I did not do these alleged disgusting acts. My wife has been my only sex partner and that was after marriage.”

Beyond creepy. The worst part is the section in which Sandusky urges the public not to trust his accusers. Why? Because they were troubled kids who sought help—at his charity!

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