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The NYPD Has a Cannibalism Problem

In a story too sensational to ignore, a member of New York’s Finest has been arrested and charged with making “Law & Order”-worthy plans to kidnap, kill, cook and eat as many as 100 women.

Let that one sink in for a minute—and note that the phrase “bath salts” does not appear anywhere in this story.

The accused, who used his status as a police officer to compile photos and addresses of potential victims, wrote a series of incredibly disturbing emails to an undercover operator. A couple of his more outrageous comments:

  • “[My oven] is big enough to fit one of these girls if I folded their legs”
  • “I was thinking of tying her body onto some kind of apparatus&cook her over a low heat, keep her alive as long as possible.”

Yikes. He even offered to kidnap a woman on behalf of an undercover agent, writing: “$5,000 and she’s all yours… she will be stuffed into a large piece of luggage and wheeled out to my van.”

Since the (obvious) nut job in question never actually put his diabolical plans into action, everyone should feel free to make as many lame jokes as possible.

We respect police officers for keeping the peace and all, but we have to wonder why this weirdo didn’t set off any warning bells some time ago. The story also gives the public another reason to question the department’s notoriously lax recruiting standards. It’s a tough job, but some murderous wannabe cannibal’s gotta do it.

How does one even perform damage control after a story like this? Chief Ray Kelly had better get ready to plan a whole lot of press conferences.

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