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While You Were Out, UPS Sucked at Its Job

funny-ups-logoOver the holidays, you experienced the joy of Christmas. And during the festivities, you may have asked yourself several things:

1. How does a fat man slither down a chimney when I live an apartment?

2. Can I put my younger sister on Santa’s naughty list? You know, for a price?

3. Does NORAD track Santa by the heat output of Rudolph’s goofy red nose?

And possibly, the ubiquitous quizzer, “What in the red and green hell can Brown do for me?” Whelp, according to this story, not much.

UPS, the international delivery headquarters of not much, put out a notice last week that although millions of people were counting on the company doing for them … they couldn’t.

You see, as a delivery company that is attempting to take out the United States Postal Service one postman at a time, you have one job to do — deliver, namely during the holidays. Unfortunately, the Atlanta-based company didn’t realize the pressing demands some 317 million people in one nation can cause a company during Christmas. Although some shipments were guaranteed to arrive on Christmas, not so much because “the volume of air packages in our system exceeded the capacity of our network immediately preceding Christmas.”

To wit, Twitter paid their respects. And, not adept at leaving well enough alone, Brown had to poo-poo on that too.

So, among the ballyhoo UPS’ Scroogled delivery issues, comes crisis communications from CNN and UPS:

“We’re terribly sorry,” spokeswoman Natalie Black told CNN. In a statement, the company explained that “the volume of air packages in our system exceeded the capacity of our network immediately preceding Christmas so some shipments were delayed. We know how hard it is for everyone to receive their holiday packages, and we’re working around the clock to resolve this issue,” Black said.

You work around the clock, UPS. I’ll order my next one via U-S-P-S because ‘Merica.

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