Courtesy of Gawker, we bring you what will undoubtedly be the worst PR move of this or, arguably, any other week: a Minnesota chiropractor’s office sent out a press release implying that both the Aurora Dark Knight Rises tragedy AND the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001 could have been prevented by…you guessed it, a trip to your friendly local back specialist.

According to the words of an unnamed PR genius writing under the headline “Don’t Let Anyone Go All Batman on YOUR Kids,” the perpetrators of these horrific crimes were almost certainly motivated by an inability to “feel pain, feel happiness, feel anything” stemming from screwed up or “WAY haywire!!” nervous systems that all lead back to “subluxated” spinal columns and other chiropractic discomforts. Like, duh.

If only those mass murderers had gone in for a glorified back massage. We have no words.

(In the most obvious follow-up ever, an apology was issued the next day.)