Gail Shister
TVNewser Columnist

Lou Dobbs is too pissed off to be president.

Hell, he's too pissed off to moderate a presidential debate.

"It would probably be very annoying for me to bite my lip and not say anything," he says, reflecting on the Clinton-Obama food fight on CNN Monday night.

"I'd put it right there at a 9.5 on a scale of one to 10."

Wow. Invite a few illegal immigrants and he's sure to hit 12.

"I have strongly held views on a lot of issues," says the stentorian CNN anchor. (This just in!) "I would hate to have to constrain myself for two hours in a debate like that."

As for the fledgling "movement" to have Mr. Dobbs go to Washington as an independent, three words: Not Gonna Happen.

Labelling himself "a candidate of last resort," Dobbs says he lacks the temperament for the "nonsense" of a campaign.

"I'm too impatient with the blathering fools who make up the crowd that attends the political process," he says, sounding every byte a Harvard man.

He blanches at the prospect of "standing there at chicken dinners, talking about all the things that really don't matter."

What matters to Dobbs is that at least one independent (not Dobbs) throw his/her chapeau in the ring over the next four or five months. He labels the current candidates as "dreary choices."

Still, Dobbs remains hopeful. "I have to believe that out of 300 million people, there has got to be one or two who are able to take on the challenge."

The D's and R's are the problem, he says.

"They are responsible for the mess in which we find ourselves today. To think they'll be the source of the solution, in my opinion, is a giant leap, not supported by the facts."

Spoiler, anyone?