We've always fantasized that one day, professional curmudgeons Andy Rooney and John Stossel would begin at opposite ends of a large supermarket and each whine their way to the center snack foods aisle, where they unite in a spectacular complaint-fest that involves bags full of crumbled potato chips and the problematic flavor appellation "Cool Ranch." Until that day comes, we must content ourselves with Rooney's sliver of 60 Minutes, on which he last night turned his bemused grumbling to the subject of fashion (as noted by FishbowlNY).

Surrounded by recent issues of Vogue and Harper's Bazaar, Rooney singles out some advertisements (and editorial spreads he mistakes for advertisements) for scrutiny. "Here's a picture that caught me eye," says Rooney, pointing to Craig McDean's photos of a Dior-clad Jessica Stam. "But what good does my eye do the magazine? I'm certainly not going to buy what she's wearing!" (Well, for starters, you just showed that Dior ad to millions of people on primetime network television.) But Rooney (no fan of Marni and positively puzzled by Prada's turban trend) really gets worked up when he turns his attention to perfume. Of Armani's Code and model Mini Anden in an evening gown, he concludes, "Never mind the Armani, she's certainly going to be cold if she goes out in this" (Code, cold -- hey, close enough!) He should know better than to engage with Viktor & Rolf but simply can't help himself. Of the Dutch duo's Flowerbomb fragrance, Rooney concludes, "No one wants to be bombed with perfume." Hey CBS, how about sending Andy to give us his take on the Whitney Biennial? Or just hand him an issue of Artforum and start recording!