funny

Friends, we have seen the future of both typography and the whole print medium and we have to tell you, it is glorious. "Are you talking about the iPad or something?" you ask "Bah!" we scoff loudly (maybe too loudly, sorry). No, we are talking of the new 3*TYPE technology. Author and New Yorker editor Ben Greenman has taken on the roll of spokesperson for the company who is set to shake up all we know and completely revive the ailing medium of print, and made the big announcement on McSweeney's. You'll definitely want to read the whole thing, but here's just a taste of the future:

Powered by revolutionary stereoscopic typography developed exclusively, this new technology will usher in a heretofore unimagined era in reading. This piece, the first ever printed with our proprietary 3*TYPE process, should serve as both an introduction and a primer. You may notice that certain words words are printed twice twice, first in roman and then, immediately afterwards, in boldface. You may also notice the offer, at right, for a special pair of glasses glasses. Order them -- or, if you have them already, remove them from their plastic casing and put them on; you will notice that when viewed through these glasses, the doubly printed words appear to leap leap off the screen screen.

Hopefully the editors and publishers at Dwell magazine have a sense of humor, because Unhappy Hipsters is one of our favorite new things and we'd love to see it continue. Launched this month (maybe even just this week), the site takes photos from Dwell that show hip people in their hip, modern houses and adds captions that give each picture a dash of discomfort and existential despair. With lines like "He sipped his tepid coffee and pondered how to tell her that, in fact, the pants made the sack dress even less appealing," it's wonderfully and hilariously written, and has been all the buzz for the past few days. It's sort of like Marmaduke Explained for the design set. Fortunately, even though the site uses images swiped from the magazine, it looks like they dig it, given that Dwell's managing editor Michele Posner posted on the magazine's Twitter feed last night, "Admittedly hilarious Dwell sendup!"

Remember when you told someone who isn't related to the design industry either that you were going to see Helvetica or you recommended that they see it? Maybe this isn't entirely universal, but we remember some of the reactions we received after following up by explaining what the documentary was about (this writer overheard his wife on the phone saying, "He's going to see some movie about a font. Yeah, I don't understand either.") So keep that typography focus, but take that little glimmer of discomfort over the forced self-realization that you're really kind of a nerd, and amplify it by a dozen. That's what we felt while watching Neutra Face, the type-focused parody of a Lady GaGa song that's currently making the rounds. You'll laugh, but it'll probably be an uncomfortable laugh, given that we're pretty sure designers aren't built for this sort of thing:

We've done a lot of poking fun at Thomas Kinkade and his painting of light recently and while usually we'd open with a statement like that in order to segue into an apology or some sad story about his personal affairs, but that's not happening this time. Instead, we turn to the availability of a 6 1/2 foot Christmas tree designed by Kinkade. What makes this special edition tree extra special is that it comes in a round, flat container and when removed, pops up to its full height, pre-lit and everything (we highly recommend watching the video of it in action on Hammacher Schlemmer's site). In this busy world, it's the perfect solution for a person who wants a Christmas tree but needs it now. Here's a description of its beauty:

The fully decorated tree has two satin-like ribbons with winter holiday scenes inspired by Thomas Kinkade's original artwork. Two hundred glistening clear lights are nestled among the branches and cast a warm glow onto 46 globe ornaments that are painted in rich holiday red and gold. The tree has two additional gold and burgundy ribbons, 15 velvet-like poinsettias, and a gold-trimmed bow tree topper.

If this is successful, we're anticipating lots more pop-ups from Kinkade, given that he still has to pay off all those legal bills.

Is it nudity week here at UnBeige? Sure, why not. We talked about Kim Cattrall getting naked to save art yesterday. And there was Terry Richardson's Pirelli calendar. And now here's a third. The AP is reporting that two artists who staged a nude photography session at the Metropolitan Museum of Art, a museum full of nude painting and sculptures, have been let off the hook by a New York City judge. Here's how they pulled it off (semi-pun only semi-intended):

Defense lawyer Thomas J. Hillgardner says [model Kathleen "K.C." Neill] did nothing indecent while posing in an institution full of depictions of nudes. He says she was making art and he noted court rulings saying public nakedness isn't necessarily lewd.

Prosecutors say they aren't sure they could prove the charges beyond reasonable doubt.

We don't get to point to any of those "can you believe how stupid this law breaker was?!" stories very often because, well, this design field of ours is relatively sane. The worst that usually happens is the occasional copyright infringement case or someone taking advantage with spec work. But finally we've got our chance. The LA Weekly reports that designer Ronald Hunt had filed for disability several years ago, claiming he'd been injured on a job and could no longer work. Over those years, he'd racked up thousands upon thousands of dollars, which would have been all well and good and probably would have continued had he not been lured into television by HGTV. Hunt wound up appearing on a program on the home improvement network, hard at work without any sort of debilitating disability in sight. An employee at his insurance company saw the program, turned Hunt in, and now he's just been sentenced to pay back more than he made and serve time on probation. Lesson learned: if you're doing something wrong, don't do it on HGTV. It's a more popular network than you'd think.

Let's stay in the UK for a moment longer as we add another entry into our collection of truly wonderful press releases. This one can't top our favorite of all time, but it's certainly staked it's claim near the top. The title goes "UK Van Drivers Turn to Designer Underwear," and it's exactly what you think it's about. Apparently there was a survey done among commercial van drivers (movers, plumbers, florists, etc.) and it was found that 71% of them "had invested in at least one pair of design underpants." So this was clearly a press release from either a store that sells designer undergarments or maybe an undergarment manufacturer hoping to get into the lucrative van driver market? Nope, it's from Swinton, a British insurance company. Beyond their connection to insuring vans, the designer underwear bit really has nothing to do with them. So we assume their PR firm, SKV Communications, either a) found they had nothing new to say about van insurance and just went with something goofy, b) are trying to make press releases readable and interesting, or c) desperately want off this account. Whatever the case, they should be applauded, because now we all know a fact about van drivers that we didn't know we wanted to know (we still don't) and Yves Behar has a new market to go after.

When a website defies both logic and easy description (e.g., Scanwiches), you know you're in for a treat, and so it is with the "I Can Read Movies" Series by Mitch "Spacesick" Ansara. The growing collection of film-based book covers designed with a Saul Bass/Alvin Lustig flair imagines "novelizations of major pictures" such as Ernest Goes to Camp, Space Jam, and Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory—in Japanese (English subtitle: "Mr. Wonka! Just Punisher of Coddled Children"). Click on each cover for a bonus comment/film quote. In the case of Wonka, it's "You're going to love this...just love it," which should be said with a maniacal Gene Wilder gleam in one's eye.

So goes the math at one Gaza Strip zoo. In a story ready made for ReadyMade, officials at the Marah Land Zoo decided to outsmart the animal import restrictions that had left their establishment woefully lacking in zebras by stocking up on white donkeys and black paint (OK, technically black hair dye). According to an Agence France Presse report, the donkey-to-zebra makeover is a two-day process done by a professional painter "and entails the use of sticky tape and French-made hair coloring" (although we have a feeling that the zoo director told the reporter from Der Spiegel that it was German-made). The zoo's DIY zebras are a hit with patrons, who can also visit an aging camel, two ostriches, and a selection of birds.

After our report yesterday about the Georgia O'Keeffe-mania sweeping the nation, we got word that Joan Allen, who plays O'Keeffe in the upcoming Lifetime biopic, would be the lead guest on Tuesday's episode of Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. We made sure to tune in and after a round of John Madden Karaoke and a dynamite segment that interpreted the facial expressions of President Obama (turns out the chief executive thinks often about novelty juice drinks, notably Hi-C Ectocooler), Fallon welcomed Allen. When talk to turned to O'Keeffe, he admitted to not knowing much about her, including how she acted or spoke. "I never actually got footage to hear how she talked, except as an older woman," said Allen. That gave Fallon an idea. "It kind of gives you creative license. You can make her sound like whatever you want," he said. "And then everyone would be doing impressions of your impression." Fallon decided to demonstrate with a couple of O'Keeffe impressions that were enough to make us choke on our Hi-C Ectocooler. We've posted video of the full episode below. Fallon channels O'Keeffe at 24:41. Then keep watching for the tale of Allen's memorable encounter with a trio of donkeys when filming the movie in New Mexico.

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