In a lifetime, the average American spends the equivalent of 38.5 days brushing his or her teeth. But the new PlaquePro promises to reduce your brushing time by a whopping 10-20%! The key is the toothbrush's "unique perpendicular head" (ooh, perpendicular!) that can simultaneously brush upper and lower teeth. Among its additional features, according to a website selling it for $2.50, is "made from plastic." So say goodbye to pesky wooden toothbrush splinters once and for all.

The PlaquePro is among ultra-snarky Radar Online's "Bad Santa" list of ten things that would make disappointing gifts. Also making the list: the Self-Portrait Arm (an aluminum rod affixable to a camera to allow the snapping of self-portraits from a distance) and the Snap Jack, an ingenious device for cutting a stack of pancakes into bite-size triangular slices.

Operators are standing by. So stop brushing your teeth, put down that unwieldy pancake, and order now!