We understand that you're saving the latest issue of The New Yorker (and the promise of a swell fact piece by Patricia Marx about the wacky world of high-end timepieces as she reports from Baselworld) for your imminent Memorial Day weekend plane/train/car/van/burro ride to Bilbao/Sag Harbor/Hoboken/Niagara Falls/The Grand Canyon, but we simply couldn't resist sharing this excellent piece—a bite-sized Shouts & Murmurs that sneaks in among this week's Talk of the Town casuals—by George Meyer about the wondrous absurdities of frequent flyer program branding. And so we present "The Privileged Few." Return your seat to its upright position, stow your tray table, and take a read:

Good afternoon. This is your pre-boarding announcement for Flight 505 to Milwaukee. All first-class and business-class passengers, passengers needing special assistance, and families travelling with small children may now board the aircraft.

We also invite any Platinum Club, ProTravel Select, Apogee Plus, and Sigma Alliance cardholders to board at this time.

Thank you for waiting. We now welcome members of Skyline Advantage, Priority Partners, Front Row Preferred, Exclusa, Summit V.I.P., Head of the Line, A-List Connections, Imperial Privilege, InCrOwD, Icarus Prime Choice, Top Rank Silk, and Top Rank Crystal Reserve. You may now board the aircraft.

We appreciate your patience. We now welcome members of Focus^One, Altius PremierPlan, Silver Platter, Jet Pack Invicta, Above and Beyond, Screaming Eagle, Canadians of Distinction, e-Go Trip, Express Wishes, Superba/FasTTraKK, Freedom Rider Élite, ¡Por Supuesto!, The Circle of Enchantment, Hegira, Hegira Mach Five, Wanderlu$t, Godhead Supreme, Godhead Burnt Offerings, Qomfort Qlub, MeFirst, MeFirst Deluxe Rewards, Out of My Way, and VelourPass. You may now board the aircraft.

The rest of you? Beat it.