American Apparel founder Dov Charney and photographer Terry Richardson get a much deserved Onion treatment this week with "14 American Apparel Models Freed After Daring Midnight Raid." In it, it's revealed that the models were being held against their will, appearing only in banner ads and in magazines and free weeklies, like The Onion. As we've had things to say about Richardson in the past, we laughed probably more than we usual do at the satirical paper. Here's some:

The models, who range in age from 18 to 22 but appear to be 12 to 14, were taken to an emergency safehouse where they were given food, clothing, and access to soap. Officials said they were conducting tests to determine whether the girls were subjected to brainwashing during their captivity.

"I thought it would never end," said Fiara, a Brazilian-Finnish brunette who was held in an empty white room for weeks in nothing but Lycra tights and a halter top. "I can't believe how good it feels to wear something that buttons again."