Looking for a surefire way to quell that queasy feeling you get in your stomach when the Dow Jones plummets 500 points in a single trading day? Try decoupage! Discounted pseudodecoupage, that is. Now hitting Target store shelves nationwide is John Derian's new, limited-edition line of antiquey homegoods—flora- and fauna-sprinkled picture frames, melamine plates, vases, photo albums, magnets, and such—for the style-conscious discount retailer. Gina Sprenger, Target's senior vice president for merchanidising, describes Derian's stationery and home decor items as "breathtaking and original" pieces that "feel like one-of-a-kind creations." But they're priced like ones produced on a massive industrial scale: from from $1.99 for tissue paper to $29.99 for a large vase painted with a leafy motif. Here at UnBeige HQ, we're using the charming alphabet tray (pictured above, at right) to serve recession-themed cocktails (ice-cold tap water and a dropperful of blue food coloring, garnished with a colorful umbrella).

New York City-based Derian is known for his whimsical decoupage art, which looks to be sourced from a musty encyclopedia found at the estate sale of a kooky common cousin of Albertus Seba and William Morris. His work has the power to convince even the most zen clutterphobe that now is the time to invest in an agglomeration of art-adorned paperweights, urns, coasters, and decorative plates. "I was excited to share my work with a larger audience and Target has helped me to do that," writes Derian on his company's website. "I hope those that collect my work will see these pieces as a complement to items they may already own."