Seeing as we just now got through the first, year-old, 3,400-page issue of Monocle, we realized there’s no way we’ll be able to catch up with the articles we want to pass along to you by actually reading the magazine. So let’s skip ahead (which is actually behind) to something we really wanted to read back when we hauled the September issue onto our pushcart and wheeled it into our office, but couldn’t actually lift it onto our desk.

The feature in question is “Future States,” a rebranding of the US by Paula Scher. Unfortunately, the print piece is (still) only available to subscribers, but there’s a video component, Brand America, an interview with Scher conducted by Tyler Brûlé. In it, she advocates trashing several visual icons of the USA brand, including the “America” portion of our name. Which is funny, since she designed the book on America. She’s probably really regretting that now.

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The first of the public toilets have begun to pop up around New York City, and the NY Times christened this particular porcelain throne by cramming a bunch of people inside and describing the “space age” features of the little self-cleaning miracle.

But we like to refer to this particular one, located in Madison Square Park, home to our beloved Shake Shack, as the Pentagram Outhouse. Of course you’ll notice that it’s wrapped in the Mad Sq. Park identity by Paula Scher, but it’s also conveniently located in the park opposite Pentagram’s offices, where some creatives are using it a nice quiet place to concept.

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First up, Seeds of Change, the lucky 13th year of the Y Conference, held by AIGA San Diego. This year has a greenish tint to it, and a twist by adding a moderator, Susan Szenasy. Paul Hawken headlines, other highlights are Derek Fagerstrom and Julia Cosgrove from ReadyMade, Janet Kübler from the Biomimicry Guild, Speak Up’s Jason Tselensis and AIGA sustainability chair Marc Alt. We’ve attended for the last two years, and our verdict remains the same: it’s very affordable for a big-time conference, but still small enough that you’ll find yourself drinking Champagne by the Hotel Solamar’s pool with the same person you’re supposed to get up and see speak at 9am. March 27-29.

Just about a month later (why not stay at the Hotel Solamar pool until then?), the Art Center’s biennial conference has fun with Serious Play. John “Hocks” Hockenberry moderates Elizabeth Diller, David Macaulay, John Maeda, Paula Scher and more, organized by Chee Pearlman. This was the typical speaker/moderator conference but this year they’re adding hands-on studios, three-hour creative workshops. Although we found ourselves gasping at the price–$1350 before March 11–we have to say that two years ago, we were also gasping at the long and illustrious list of luminaries we encountered in the superfancy refreshment tent between sessions. May 7-9.

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Christoph Niemann‘s jars-o-fun? Andrea Deszö‘s flower power (above)? Paula Scher‘s blog dissection (which we loved back in April)? Yep, they’re all there, in the NY Times’ Notable Op-Ed Art slideshow.

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In related John Hockenberry news, the sequel to one of his more entertaining moderator gigs just announced itself. The 2008 Art Center Conference will be May 5-7 in Pasadena, CA, with another curiously-named theme: Serious Play. Registration opens November 1.

Early confirmed speakers include IDEO’s Tim Brown; ball-master Michael Moschen; Elizabeth Diller; Paula Scher and John Maeda. Once again the conference is curated by the lovely Chee Pearlman. And once again, we’ll be there, compiling the highlights, for you.

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Why we are not invited to such things, we do not know. But when we hear things like “Michael Bierut is being roasted at an exclusive benefit held at the Architectural League,” we think, well, good thing we have the spies. Well-dressed spies, who drink far too much and only remember the good parts. Spies who supply us with choice information like this about our favorite 50-year-old.

Kurt Andersen served as emcee/host/moderator and Massimo Vignelli said Bierut was the best designer he’s ever employed.

Jim Biber and Bierut were sitting in the exit row of a flight about to take off from La Guardia when they had to evacuate the plane on the runway. Back in the airport reeling from their emergency efforts, Bierut looked at his watch and said, “I think we could still make the 12:10 flight.” They did, and made it to Seattle where they nailed a job. Paula Scher, however, just had to recount the one job Bierut didn’t get.

Steven Heller read a mock obituary that had the crowd roaring. Writer Suzanne Stephens performed what was described to us as a “burlesque dance.” And Dorothy Bierut told a story about her fine husband strolling out of the gym…without his pants.

And the photo above? We don’t know what he’s doing there. But we honestly can’t tell if he has pants on there, either.

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Who was the copywriter on this unprecedented display of designer hubris? Who manufactured such an item? Who has the balls to carry one around? Anonymous confessions accepted, plus bonus points for whoever can help direct us to where we can purchase one of these things. We’ve been looking for just the right gift for David Carson.

Thanks to Margaret Yang.

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Let us present to you one Paula Scher, superstar designer, who is representing the design industry in a new campaign for HP as one of a trio of creative superstars. And doing it fabulously, we might add.

HP’s “What do you have to say?” site features ideas and projects for creatives by Scher, Gwen Stefani and Jake Burton. Scher’s contribution is five customizable business identity templates, links to some books we like and resources for those looking to hire designers. After that, you can play with Stefani’s Harajuku paper dolls.

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The world’s most prolific design writer, recently-named Design Observer, and subject of much obsession here on the old UnBeige, Steven Heller will be honored with SVA’s Masters Series Award, including an exhibition and catalog of his work that sounds like quite the spectacle:

Curated and designed by Kevin O’Callaghan, chair of 3D Design at SVA, the exhibition highlights the inspiration and collaboration behind Heller’s many achievements as a writer and art director. On view will be over 100 covers of The New York Times Book Review that Heller art directed and a visual anthology of his major publications, with select volumes available to peruse…Nearby, visitors will be able to browse Heller’s many contributions to American and foreign periodicals at a full-scale replica of a New York City newsstand. The centerpiece of the multimedia display will be a larger-than-life photo montage of Heller’s library with recorded commentary about his collection of design ephemera and its role in his research and writing. In a series of video podcasts specially commissioned for the exhibition, Heller will discuss design in the context of popular culture, politics and history.

Whew! Heller joins SVA’s long list of luminaries that includes people named things like Saul Bass, Milton Glaser, George Lois, Paul Rand, Massimo Vignelli, and Paula Scher, who coined the phrase we want made into t-shirts: “Steven Heller has been graphic design’s biggest fan.”

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It’s time to pull up a chair and gather ’round the computer for a little Must See TV, as we spy on those lucky enough to get a proper invitation to Michael Bierut‘s book release party at the legendary Shake Shack. We are now going live to the Shack Cam to get a glimpse of the design stars in attendance.

According to the “Shacksomphere”, it’s a balmy 90 degrees in Madison Square Park, with winds out of the south at 15 mph, but the resolution on the Shack Cam is little blurrier than we’d expec–oh my god, there’s Paula Scher! Oh, that’s just some girl eating a burger. Anyway, it sounds like it’s gonna be one heck of a–dude, I swear I see Michael Bierut! Oh, nope, that’s a chick. But that is totally Abbott Miller! No, wait, that’s some guy digging in the trash can.

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On a field trip to Selma with Greensboro, Alabama-based Project M (no, we didn’t walk from Montgomery, we drove), we were tipped to a cultural destination just over the Edmund Pettus Bridge. Artist unknown, but it’s a little bit Paula Scher and a little bit Howard Finster. And once we started taking it in, we realized we were a bit frightened, and it was probably preferable that the artist remain anonymous.

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Where, o where, o where did Paula Scher find the inspiration for today’s op-ed in the New York Times?

Vocabulary assistance here (we didn’t know what it meant, either).

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Today’s the day that Time goes public with their new look, and we must say although we liked the cover we saw yesterday, we’re way thrilled with the inside of the mag. The stodge is gone. Yet the designers still managed to invoke plenty of the mag’s visual history, says Paula Scher:

“We created a system that we thought would resonate with today’s readers. It’s full of quick bits and relevant info, but still retains the spirit of TIME. We used the display typeface Franklin Gothic that was part of the history of the magazine, and revisited the grid used by Walter Bernard,” the legendary editorial designer.

As you’ll remember, this was one of Luke Hayman‘s first duties at Pentagram, along with Scher. Read more at Pentagram’s blog.

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We just barely snagged a seat in an extremely tightly-kerned crowd at the world premiere of Helvetica here at SXSW, where the entire audience sported buttons reading “I love/hate Helvetica.” Okay, okay, everybody has been making their little jokes about “the movie about a font.” But guess what–this is not really a movie about a typeface. Helvetica is just a character in this wonderfully-made film, which just might be the best history of graphic design we’ve ever seen.

Director Gary Hustwit‘s film will lead even the most design clueless through an intelligent global survey of design. But designers won’t be bored. It’s not a simplified primer; instead, it’s the soul of graphic design–straight from the source. Massimo Vignelli preaching that there are only really, three typefaces (we thought it was five; he must be getting pickier). Sagmeister saying clean type is boring. Paula Scher explaining illustrative type. Rick Poynor explaining Modernism. David Carson epitomizing grunge type. Experimental Jetset bringing it all back around.

The story of graphic design is meant for the big screen. With the exception of a few conferences and maybe the work of someone like Hillman Curtis, we just don’t get to see ourselves like this. And damn do we look good.

Especially Erik Spiekermann, and an adorable Michael Bierut, who are the real stars of this film. Bierut delivers the best monologue in the whole movie–an awesome treatise on corporate design that got the biggest laughs and a hearty round of applause.

True to subject, the film itself is simple and beautiful. There are some lovely animations of Swiss designs and cool shots of how type gets made. And there’s an exuberant quality about the whole thing–a lingering shot on a corner of a poster, the spare but expressive music, and the stunning, overwhelming ubiquitousness of this typeface that means nothing and everything, all at the same time. The film festival guy who introduced the film said this, and got a laugh from the audience, but by the end of the film it was apparent: Designer or not, you will never, ever see the world the same again.

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It’s pretty funny, isn’t it? An entire article about how Citibank’s using its new Citi logo for all its branding without a single credit for the person who designed the darn thing.

New Career Opportunities Daily: The best jobs in media.