Don’t feel bad. It happens to the best of us: pesky professional and personal obligations prevent you from finishing that sweeping John McPhee piece. You miss Jeffrey Toobin‘s latest dispatch from the Annals of Law and lose all perspective on the Supreme Court. “If only I didn’t have to eat! To sleep!” you exclaim, shaking your fist at the sky. “Then I would be able to read every word of The New Yorker, every week, like architect Deborah Berke does.” The solution to your problem is simple: time management. Which is why the magazine of magazines has created the Eustace Watch, a Swatch-style timepiece that can be yours for $49.95. Presbyopic mascot Eustace Tilley keeps his monocled eye on things from the watch’s face, while the band—crafted from the finest vinyl—features a collage of classic covers from the magazine’s inaugural art director, Rea Irvin. “Vintage artwork and contemporary design go hand in hand (no pun intended) in our first-ever New Yorker wristwatch!” notes The New Yorker Store. No, we can’t picture anyone actually wearing one, either, but with a little luck, a Eustace Watch will make it into some sort of time capsule and really confuse the people of the future.