We’re all about education here in the Fishbowl. That’s why rather than trashing The Hill‘s 2011 “50 Most Beautiful List” or making snide remarks about anyone’s god-given appearance, we decided to make it a learning experience. So we channeled our inner Rachel Zoe and developed a short guide of style tips and tactics while reviewing this year’s roster.
Whether you’re jonesing for a hot, new Facebook profile pic or find yourself striking a pose for next year’s “50 MB,” FishbowlDC’s guide to style will guarantee a glamour shot worthy of a spot on your granny’s fireplace mantle…
Christine Martin: We love pageant hair as much as the next blog but go full “Toddlers and Tiaras” or go home. What in the Aquanet hell happened here? A Bump-It as exquisite as Christine’s should be accompanied by tundrels, teasing, extensions and a cubic zirconia banana clip.
Kate Bolduan: This one hurts a little because we like Kate and rarely take issue with her style. But Derelicte is not a real clothing line. So we’re not sure why this CNN reporter selected a Zoolander-inspired Jacobim Mugatu Hefty bag jacket for her photo shoot.
Tim Torres: Ryan Seacrest is not a style star. Leave the size schmedium button-downs and skinny ties to the E! Network. They need them more than we do.
Jacqueline Ferko: Avoid “Designing Women” marathons before your photo shoot. Or you too could end up looking like the Executive VP of Sugarbaker Designs.
Rep. Adam Kinzinger: Practice your Blue Steel, Ferrari and Le Tigre in the mirror before you get in front of a camera. Bedroom eyes and constipated face are two very different looks. And as our girl Tyra would say, “don’t forget to smize.”
Mandi Critchfield: Don’t schmutz up the pretty with goofy poses and emo clothes. We get it. You’re an individual…just like everyone else who shops at Hot Topic. But that doesn’t make it okay to sport Star Wars tee shirts and pose like a model for Lens Crafters.
Rep. Hansen Clarke: Dish out the dough for Invisalign or embrace your brace face. Never…and by never, we mean never-ever try to hide your chompers with a close-mouthed smile. It’s creepy and can lead to a terrible case of pedosmile. The only thing worse than a metal grill is a pedosmile. #neverforget
* Special thanks to the 50 MBers who helped us illustrate these rules. We’re laughing with you, not at you so please don’t take it personally. And remember, you’re on the list and we’re not. Congrats on your beauty! To see The Hill’s full list of honorees, click here.