Last night, Stephen Colbert welcomed the “Available Panel” on his show. But truth be told, it would have been better had they been unavailable. The host’s odd collection of newsies in town included CNBC’s John Hardwood, The Nation‘s Katrina vanden Heuvel and – whoa! – singer David Cassidy.
Colbert immediately turned to Harwood for thoughts on the Florida primary and who will win. Harwood said he’s “in an open marriage with my political predictions right now.” Maybe in my lifetime, reporters will learn that it’s almost NEVER wise to go on comedy shows and try to be funny. First of all, thanks for bringing us to the cutting edge of 10-day-old-humor, John. Secondly, what does that even mean? It’s a shoddy attempt at a cheap laugh and the joke doesn’t even make sense.
Sensing the air of hilarity around her, Vanden Heuvel tries to wedge in some laughs. When asked about Newt’s chances in the primary, she said, “The Republican party has been screwing this country for too long. It’s not just Newt Gingrich. It’s basically just screw and shaft.” Even a comedian as seasoned as Colbert was taken aback. “A screw AND a shaft,” he exclaimed. “So, it’s double teaming the American people.” Even vanden Heuval then looked perplexed by her own avalanche of dick metaphors.
Believe it or not, the most restrained guest was David Cassidy. When talking about the amount of money Mitt has raised for his Presidential campaign, he lets us know that he’s a capitalist. Vanden Heuvel remarked, “I’m glad I didn’t know that you were that kind of capitalist when I kissed your poster on my wall.”
To get the full effect, the entire video is below. Just try not to make out with your computer when Cassidy comes on, Katrina.