If you were one of the thousands of people rushed out of the British Museum this past Saturday after visitors started complaining about sudden sore throats and eye irritation, leading museum officials to believe that there might be a gas leak, well not to worry: no one has any idea what it caused it or what it was. Could it come back again? Yes or no. Will it hurt you if it does? Probably not, but maybe! In a strange case of bizarre honesty, police and fire officials investigated after the museum was quickly cleared out, only to find that they had no idea what had happened. Then the museum’s spokesman had to come out and say things like, “The answer won’t ever be known for sure” and “It was just a strange one-off incident.” Personally speaking, we think all this “who knows?” attitude can point to only one thing: ghosts. They’d already bought off the museum staff, obviously, and now they’ve gotten to the police and fire departments. Soon they’ll be running the whole of Britain. Consider yourself warned, English people.