Yet another fine report from Stephanie Murg.

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We couldn’t let this month slip away with a nod to a standout spread in the September issue of Radar. The magazine puts its own twist on those cloying In Style-style peeks into celebrity homes with “At Home with the Stars,” which features Andy Ryan‘s photos of a sweet suburban family whose every product, garment, and foodstuff is celebrity-branded. The spooky parents and their two children (also spooky) frolic about Michael Bednark‘s set, which is strewn with everything from Jaclyn Smith furnishings and Andy Warhol watches to plates designed by John Waters and Suzanne Somers‘s Somersize Lemon Pepper and Ginger Teriyaki Marinade. The accompanying article notes that swimsuit model Kathy Ireland‘s retail behemoth (encompassing swan candy dishes, fake trees, and laminate flooring) rakes in a staggering $1.4 billion in annual sales.

So tonight, when you return to your Martha Stewart home, change into your Sean John or L.A.M.B. by Gwen Stefani loungewear, and toss a few Donald Trump Steaks on the George Foreman Grill while nursing a snifter of Willie Nelson‘s Old Whiskey River bourbon, consider what life would be like without all of those things. A world without Dwight Yoakam‘s Chicken Lickin’s Chicken Fries? A planet bereft of Nelly‘s Pimp Juice energy drink? A universe where all of my intimate apparel isn’t designed by Elle Macpherson? It’s too frightening to imagine.

As for those celebrities that have yet to get in on this craze, we’ll light a candle for them. It will, of course, be a Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York scented candle. The scent? Dignity.

Stephanie Murg