As promised, here is "Lunch at Michael's" replete with all sorts of sketchy details about who ate with whom at our media-centric world's eatery of choice that isn't Nobu 57 or Milos, which last we heard were Michael Wolff's eateries of choice. Wow. You know you cast a long shadow when you're the first boldface name in a post about boldfaced names, and you weren't even there. God, being remote and inaccessible really does work. Michael Wolff, now we only want you more.

Our apologies in advance for not being Laurel; she is much better at zeroing in on who's whom and what that whom is wearing. We tried. Humor us accordingly; and away we go!

Table 1: Eileen Ford of Ford Models. We didn't actually see her, nor she us, so regrettably I won't be gracing the cover of Vogue any time soon. Though if I curl up naked around Yoko Ono I may have a decent shot at Rolling Stone.

Table 3: Meet the new boss, same as the old boss: Jim Kelly and John Huey, there when we sat down and there when we left, lingering over a nice long lunch. Jim's hair looked as fluffy as ever.

Table 5: CBS big gun Gil Schwartz dining with NYT business writer Richard Siklos. Wait, if the talk was business then maybe Siklos was actually dining with Fortune columnist Stanley Bing. (Pssst! People not in the know, Bing and Schwartz are the same person.) Schwartz/Bing was wearing a diagonally-striped tie in citrus colors: yellow, green, blue.

A note on Table 5: As Michael-watchers know, that's Michael Wolff's now-abdicated old table. It is of particular note that Schwartz now warms its seat, because Schwartz has a beef with Wolff. That beef is pork, specifically the delectable pigs-in-blanket appetizers Schwartz took pride in serving up every year for the CBS Christmas party. Wolff didn't think much of Schwartz's appetizer choice, and wrote as much in one of his columns for Vanity Fair. It cut to the quick, and apparently Schwartz has been nursing a wound over the impugned party snacks ever since. Picking on a man's pig-in-a-blanket, now that's dirty pool. Cut to today: Wolff is in self-imposed exile, and Schwartz is happily ruling the roost at Table 5. "The censure from the pig in blanket thing finally drove him from Michael's," said Schwartz with a spring in his step and a twinkle in his eye. Anyhow, we know you like drama so we figured we'd share. Moral of the story: always praise Gil Schwartz's appetizers.

Table 8: André Leon Talley, looking fall-fresh and classic in a combo of dark colors, and rather svelte to boot. We didn't see his companion. P.S. Table 8 is right next to Table 1. We so don't get the method to Michael's table-numbering madness, but ours is not to question.

Table 12: Tucker Carlson and Lloyd Grove. Tucker was wearing a blue shirt and mauve-looking bow tie, natch. He looked tanned too. Lloyd had his back to us so we couldn't see much other than he was wearing classic navy blue. When the check came, there was a mini-tussle over who would get it. Aw. Man-date! Tucker won, he's the boy.

Table 15: Us -- HarperCollins executive editor and soccer-scoring sensation David Hirshey sharing his usual table with ESPN Books editor Michael Solomon and me -- FishbowlNY's Rachel Sklar. For some reason our three chairs were squeezed toward the wall, which made for cozy dining (a tête a tête a tête); Hirshey said that it seemed like they had broken up a table for four into two. Wow, busy day at Michael's! Lunch was very lively, and Hirshey regaled us with tales of his goal-scoring heroics in the Media Soccer Leage (two - count 'em two - goals scored off global public relations giant Burston-Marsteller). Congratulations, David Hirshey, on your soccer-playing prowess and on your very impressive moustache! I had the Cobb Salad and this time I remembered to request no bacon; it was as egg-o-licious as ever. Michael had a smoked salmon salad (he writes to correct me: "he had chicken -- not some swishy salmon salad"), and Hirshey had the steak salad. We all ate very daintily. Thought about having the roll; didn't. What do you say to that, Eileen Ford?

Both Hirshey and Solomon were of great assistance in identifying people for this post (bonus: Solomon saw Jay McInerney in line at Citarella on Tuesday night). In addition to being exceptionally useful, they were also a lot of fun. After lunch they brought us little delicious Madeleines -- for free! Woo-hoo. Hirshey said that free cookies were not the norm, despite years of patronage. Nonetheless we were grateful for the nosh.

Table 16: CBS weatherman Dave Price, CBS News' "The Early Show" exec. producer Victor Neufeld, and somebody else, presumably CBS-related. Update: Or, presumably not: a tipster writs that Neufeld is formerly of CBS as of the summer, and is now at CNN producing Anderson Cooper 360 and Paula Zahn. Hi Victor, hope you had a nice lunch.

Table 18: Court TV president and permanent-seeming Michael's luncher Henry Schlieff.

Table 21: AMI SVP of corporate communications Stu Zakim and Gawker co-editor Jesse Oxfeld, lightly stubbled. We popped over to say hello on our way out. Nice to meet you finally, Stu! Say hi to my fellow Canuck Bonnie Fuller.

Table 26: A Semitic-looking man, clad in navy balzer and jeans, sitting beyond our view, against the mirrored column; a tipster hath described him thusly. Table for two, with a woman; he paid. We don't know who he is, but at least we know he's a gentleman.

Just passing through: CNN's Jeff Greenfield, stopping to say hi to Tucker and Lloyd (I think - they were next to the Neufeld/Price/CBS table, so I could be wrong. But, either way there was inter-network friendliness). Also, Katie Rosman of the WSJ stopped to say hi to Jesse and Stu with an unidentified and very willowy blonde.

Wildcard: "60 Minutes" correspondent Steve Kroft. We can't remember where he was sitting. But we did see him, and he is from CBS. Update: Michael Solomon knows! Kroft sat beside us at Table # 18 after Schlieff left. What can I say, I was shovelling Cobb Salad in my mouth really fast by that time. Hirshey and Solomon were already finished and I was feelin' the pressure.

Seen, don't know where they were sitting: Adman Jerry Della Femina, wearing an orange sweater (Happy Hallowe'en!); fashionista Lynn Tesoro (not sure if she's still the spokeswoman for Vera Wang); former PMK partner and publishing doyenne Lois Smith (fun movie trivia, courtesy of Michael Solomon: her daughter Brooke Smith played the Senators's abducted daughter in "Silence of the Lambs," and played the "it" of the famous creepy line "it puts the lotion on its skin"). Also: New York Post media business reporter Tim Arango; a nattily-dressed young man (thirties?) with black curly hair, black-rimmmed glasses and a lime tie who looked vaguely familiar; and a woman sitting behind us at Table 19 wearing a fur collar (looked like mink). I know, Anna Wintour, other people do it and don't get tofu pies in the face. Thank heavens for small mercies.

Schematic of Michael's after the jump; send your tips and clarifications my way! Enjoy your pigs in a blanket. For the love of God, you'd better.

If you were at Michael's today (or any day) and would like to report in, or correct the record, please email Rachel or Laurel. Thanks!

Map of Michael's